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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Are all men like this?

9 replies

Alittlelost1 · 24/08/2018 17:15

I’ve has the worst year for lots of reasons but my love life has been nothing but a disaster. After my long term engagement broke down I stupidly joined tinder. In December I started dating a professional athlete. He seemed like the perfect gentleman, despite his baggage (emotional issues, apparent crazy ex girlfriend issues).

We broke up 4 months later because his issues were too much (for him, I stood by him). We decided to go on our boomed holiday together and on our return we tried again, at his suggestion. I was love bombed for a further three weeks then he went on a lads holiday. Returned and stonewalled me because his personal issues and once again reared their head.

All this time later I’ve found out he met someone on said holiday. I’ve called him out on it and apparently I’m crazy as we weren’t even together when he went. Despite me having messages from him on his first few days there, telling me how much he wished I was there, couldn’t wait to get back to me etc.

I’m now starting to think he’s the crazy one and these poor girls he told me about (one we even went to the police about) are the victims.

I think he might be a narcissist..... how do you spot these guys and stay away from them? Furthermore how do I not attract them in the first place. He was charming, treated me amazingly (when he wasn’t ignoring me) he was beautiful!!!

Aghhhhh beginning to think I should just give up men once and for all x

OP posts:
Duchessgummybuns · 24/08/2018 17:18

Of course they’re not all like that. You just had the misfortune to meet a total knobhead.

Bambi99 · 24/08/2018 17:19

I would say stay clear, he is either a user or a narcassit. You will meet a nice guy keep looking, maybe try some other dating sites x

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 24/08/2018 17:20

He is a twat.

Not all men are like that.

Bombardier25966 · 24/08/2018 17:37

I think he might be a narcissist

Or he could just be a dickhead?

What's this bizarre trend of labelling people as a narcissist?

Orange6904 · 24/08/2018 17:40

Calling his exes crazy stands out. Someone mentioned that as a red flag in that red flag thread further down the board here.

Alittlelost1 · 24/08/2018 17:42

bombardier he asked me to be his gf after knowing me for two weeks. Showered me with affection, constantly then would tell me he was going through issues and stop talking to me. Playing victim and actually making me worry about his mental health, telling me he wished he was dead because of the things that were going on in his life.

He’d then come back, and love bomb again....

Now telling me (today) my recollection of the situation and our conversations was totally off and he hadn’t done or said certain things. Despite me having proof!!!

Thinking about it today, I’ve started to think he might be. Does that not sound like he is then?

He is certainly a dickhead.... that’s not debatable

OP posts:
Winegal · 24/08/2018 17:53

If a bloke tells you about his "crazy ex gf", run like the wind!

Sorry you have met a total arse-wipe OP. They aren't all like this. Onwards and upwards!

Ellisandra · 24/08/2018 17:59

So he treated you like shit and months later here you are still in touch with him to “call him out” on lying whilst he was treating you like shit...?
Why are you still in touch with him?

Put your mental energy into working out why you took the shit, and why you’re still in touch with him. Don’t waste said energy on deciding between narcissist and dickhead.

Not all men are like this, and you won’t be a magnet for them - it’s just that you’ll get stuck with them for longer when you do come across them if you don’t toughen up about not taking their shit.

There’s better out there, I promise!

Alittlelost1 · 24/08/2018 18:03

I knkw getting in contact with him was stupid. It was in anger after it ‘clicked’ I suppose. I wanted him to know, that I knew.

OP posts:
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