How long did it take you to get over your ExH

[sunshiney78]

ExH left in July last year for OW, and a bit frustrated that I still appear to miss him. (We have DD7) This past month in particular, I’ve had a few dreams (nightmares) of different scenarios of him leaving and it’s getting me down.
I have had a few good months, so not sure why things appear to be regressing!?

I initially kicked my ex out in Jan 16, when I found the photos a young colleague was sending him. He move back and out again a few times and finally announced in the May that he was never coming back. It hurt terribly, but I was so angry at how he treated me, after 20 years together. Strangely, once I knew that was it, I got over him quite quickly. I cracked on with the divorce. I started dating again in the Sept and met my current partner in the October.

Everyone is different hough and it takes you however long it takes you

That's no time at all op. Especially with a young child involved. It's very hard.

I was the one who left my ex (abuse)... I met someone else very soon after... And even then, looking back I was still pretty entangled and damaged and not "over" the marriage for at least a year. Longer than that if you're talking about the stage when I was fine with it being over but I was still stressed by seeing him.

It's three years on now and I still have dreams/ nightmares about the marriage. It's a very long road. Be kind to yourself. One thing to keep in mind is that grief is very much circular- you feel better then worse then better then worse pretty much for life... The "worse" bits just get less bad slowly but surely (my experience)

I've heard a rule of thumb which is "twice as long in months as you spent together in years"

So if you were together for 6 months, it'll take you a year to get over
If you were together 3 years, it'll take you 18 months to move on
etc

I guess that's an average yardstick. Me personally I have always taken longer. I split up with my (4 yr relationship) ex over 5 years ago and I am pretty adamant I'll never want to be emotionally involved with anyone again.

About a couple of years I think (17 years together) although I met someone else and we healed together during that time.

Straight away but in my case the marriage didn't end suddenly, we had both checked out of it a while back. I was sad as we had DS and I wanted to give him a family home with 2 parents together but I didn't miss exh at all. I haven't had a relationship since though and we divorced over 4 years ago (exh has been with his new partner 3.5 years.)

Thank you! Just goes to show how different each situation is, and reassuring.

I had been with my ex for 16 years. It probably took me a couple of months to stop feeling depressed and low. I ended things as I just didn't love him anymore so I got over him very quickly. It was the adapting to being a single parent I struggled with the the worry of feeling lonely when the kids were with their dad.
I'm now 16 months in and definitely never looked back. Unfortunately I've just ended a 7 months relationship which feels harder to get over!
I guess if your ex left you for another woman, you have way more issues to deal with. There is no rule of thumb.

I think it really does depend on how things ended. And your personality
I wish I was someone who could get over things quickly

I left an abusive relationship 7 years ago. Still can't bear to see him. Still have nightmares about getting him out the house.