I want to leave h. Finding it hard

[nopeas]

Hi you lovely people, it’s a long story but but to cut it short, be been in an abusive relationship but want to leave my husband.

I’ve had legal advice, been advised to leave him as he won’t leave the jointly owned house ( mortgage)

I’ve been see a couple of rentals then after phononing the mortgage co discovered that

I can’t reduce mortgage payments to interest only.
Husband says if I leave he won’t pay the mortgage( not even his half) and the house can get repossessed and doesn’t care about living in a cardboard box!

I’m in the position of having to pay mortgage and rent in order to leave.

My question is if I default on the mortgage can I force a sale or buy him out ?

Not sure if this should be in legal or relationships
There is quite a lot of equity in the property.

Help appreciated as I don’t feel I can keep living with him for much longer. I have a 14 and 15 yr old dc too.(they said they want to live with me as their dad doesn’t seem to give a toss). He has been emotionally, mentally and financially abusive.
I do work and struggle to pay all bills every month as he hasn’t contributed anything since January! Plus in debt to a couple of cc I used for household expenses

Sorry this is already longer than I thought.

I believe u can force a sale with your solicitor but unsure of how long this takes, couple take a couple of months to process and then u got to wait until it sells. Maybe there is a way to get him out if he isn't contributing to the mortgage payments. Could you not get a free solicitor consultantion to get some advice on what u can do or phone womens aid x

Thanks Bambi...have had free legal consultations and had a paid one too but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere fast.

I guess I need to risk it and move out so he realises I’m not going to fall for his manipulation tactics, and take it from there.
Hopefully he’ll pay his share or indeed go live in a box in the park!

Is he responsible with money normally. If he defaults on the mortgage he is screwed to, he wouldn't even be able to rent with a trashed credit score. Remind him of that, move out and say I ain't paying ur half. Ur strong u will soon be rid of the games xx

No he’s not responsible ... with anything ... hence getting rid ( also due to gaslighting, verbal abuse etc)
Since jan though he’s been spending his entire wages on himself

This was due to his usual tactics no longer working because I did the Freedom Programm( he doesn’t know this).

Just need to get away from him now but it’s proved more difficult than I thought.

I think you'd first have to arrange somewhere for you and the dcs to rent. Tell DH you've moved out and won't be back, and won't be paying the mortgage because you can't afford to pay both. Then it's a bit of brinkmanship. You could tell him you're applying to the court for an Order for Sale (on the basis that the house is no longer needed to house the family (its original purpose). I would speak to the mortgagee and explain what's going on - you don't really want them to repossess the house, as that could prove very expensive. And make sure the council tax continues to be paid. Good luck.

Can you speak to the mortgage company again and ask for a payment holiday for a couple of months??

That would buy you some time and allow you breathing space to find rental and a deposit.

Personally though since he's been sick a dick, I'd sell the house from under him.

Get it advertised for sale but don't put a for sale sign up, do the viewings when he's out at work.

Thanks @single ... sounds like a good plan. As for the council tax, I assumed he’d be liable for that and utility bills once I move out. I hadn’t costed for that as well.

Can I sell it though @failing without his consent? If it’s the marital home?

I have asked for a mortgage payment holiday but they say they don’t do that on my mortgage.
They did offer a re mortgage on interest only but I thought I’d need his signature for that and I don’t think he’d agree to anything which makes my life easier.

It’s like living with the enemy.

I didn’t really want to sell either, just to buy him out and tell him to get the fuck out.

Im wanting to move house WITH my husband and can’t get it on the market, despite the agent having done the photos, because my dh hasnt signed the papers yet and the agent says we need both signatures.

If the house is in joint names you can't sell it without his consent. That's why you'd have to apply to court for an order for sale.

If you don't want to be liable for utility bills you have to write to the suppliers and terminate your contract (presuming it's in your name). Then he will have to take out contracts in his own name. Council tax - suggest you contact the council and discuss it with them.

Have you started divorce proceedings? I was advised to do all the financials alongside the divorce and eventually sold the house (agreed by court.)

I would seek out more detailed divorce information. When my ex and I separated he was court ordered to pay the mortgage, utilities and council tax as well as insurance. My name wasn't on the mortgage and my home rights were registered. Obviously different as not being named on the mortgage but the courts can order financial decisions to protect the assets as mine had threatened to stop paying the mortgage as he was ordered out of the house.

Also, you need to clarify your leaving the home as I was told that if I left the home then I would be walking away from the equity unless it was for my safety due to domestic violence. I was awarded an occupation order by the courts and he was ordered to protect the asset of our equity.

My ex was refusing to sell the house when we came to the financial part and again the court stepped in and ordered the property to be valued and he was ordered to pay me for my equity or the court would order a sale.

I do know that the OW left her husband and walked out of the house she owned to move in with my husband in a flat and the court considered it abandonment and she was awarded nothing from the substantial equity and she was ordered to pay 1/2 the mortgage & child support as her husband stayed in the home with the children.

Seek advice on what you are entitled to and what happens if you move out as it is worth the money to protect yourself.

I am surprised you have been advised to leave the house especially as he has been so obstructive.

my lawyer advised to leave because didn’t think he’d sgree to any separation agreement or divorce if we separate while still living together. ( why would he if he’s getting away with paying nothing?) ... that was the general gist of it.

Moving out would hopefully force him to realise he has to take responsibility or find himself homeless.
It was suggested we send him the separation agreement/ divorce petition once I’ve moved out.

I think if it means going to court I’d have to apply for legal aid as my disposable income is more or less zero. But while still living with him, his income counts as my disposable income too even though I have no access to it and he won’t share it !
Another reason for moving out.

Nobody mentioned abandonment or me losing any rights in the house though.
That’s what I want to find out so thank you all for your replies so far.
It really helps as I’m in such a mess right now.

You dont lose any rights in the house. That's a commonly held misconception.

Probably need another trip to the lawyer then

I just went through all this and used legal aid as my husband took all the savings, income and left me £40 to live on for 5 months while I waited for assistance to start.

I was told that if I left the home I potentially could lose my rights which is why I suggested seeking legal advice first. Go to Citizens Advice and I was referred to a Legal Aid solicitor through them. I was in the position that even though my husband had £85,000 income and I had none, I had to wait for the legal separation to be entitled to any benefits.

As my case involved domestic violence and police action, I still had to formally go through the courts to get an occupation order preventing him from living in the home. Even though he was violent, I was legally prevented from changing the locks through the entire divorce as he was on the title to the property.

You can get lots of opinions on MN, but I suggest you go and start the separation process and start putting your finances in place. You will need to start gathering any bank statements, marriage certificate, his work pay statements, pensions and such and get as much as you can for the solicitor to advise you properly

I think you might be on a winner going to court for an occupation order if you have the dc living with you. Please get legal advice, OP.

I would advice trying to stay in the home (awful as that might be) and ask your solicitor about forcing a sale ASAP. Get the house on the market and sell as quickly as you can. I wouldn't trust leaving him in the house and moving out - things will drag out for longer.
Hopefully once you start legal proceedings, he might realise you're serious and back down.

Thanks everyone for your experiences and advice.
Unfortunately no evidence of criminal behaviour from h so no police input (which would probs make things easier for me).

I think I will phone the lawyer on Monday for another appointment. Plus phone Council and mortgage co again.
You guys have raised a few questions I want answered so I’ll take my note book along x