My partner won't give up weed

[MommaBee97]

First I'll give you a little insight to my life.
I've have two daughters, aged 4 and 6 weeks. Me and my partner have a very honest relationship with one another so I thought I had to bring this to his attention. We are renting a property which isn't cheap, and in all honesty we could do with not living here but given we needed a bigger house with another little one we snapped up the opportunity. Anyway, my partner works 40 hours a week however since moving into the property he lost his previous job and managed to find another within a few days. We all know how it works though, you don't get paid straight away.. We ended up being left with back pay of bills, no money for food so I had to lend money from my parents. Last month we had no money for rent so I've had to use my credit card.

My partners wages are paid into my bank as he struggles controlling his money (I know).. but just as I thought we were coming level with our bills he asked for my bank card to get his usual weekly weed he usually spends £20.. I don't mind that because he doesn't go out drinking, he just sits in with me and goes to work. (Mainly because we've had no spare money) Anyway. This morning I've looked at my bank account and to my surprise he withdrawn £100 which I presume was for his weed! I'm furious, I've not spent a penny all week thinking of bills. He comes back from working away and spends that much. Now I can't afford to get my daughters uniform and can just about pay my bills.
I just don't know what to do anymore, it's not the actual smoking that bothers me it's the money!
I just needed to rant somewhere and just hoping somebody can give me some advice 😣

Your title is total different to your actual OP. Do you want him to give the weed up? You said it's not an issue in the OP and its not about the smoking.

I very much doubt he has drawn out and spent £100 on weed though. That's 5 times his usual amount.

You need to speak to him and ask him what he used the money for.

You don't want him to give up weed. What you want is an adult to prioritize needed spending over wants. Like a grown up. Why does he think his spending comes over bills?

It's early, I've hardly slept but I knew what I meant lol. Yes it's not so much him not smoking it's like you say realising his responsibility. At the minute I'm on maternity leave and my wages cover our car costs. This isn't the first time he's spent that sort of money on it, because he will have 'loaned' some from the week before then have to pay it back this week. it's really frustrating.

He has got into debt for weed?

Yes his spending is a problem. But so is his weed.

I have no issue with people smoking weed. Do does occasionally. I wouldn't be with him if he couldn't go with out it and got into debt for it or was willing to leave us short for it

Does he have spending problems with other tho he or just weed. Because while you don't mind the weed smoking, it sounds like he has a real problem if he puts it above the family.

Yeah, that's worrisome. He owes a drug dealer. It might be a nice dealer who's his friend... but he owes a drug dealer. Not cool.

So you are now in debt because of your partner. You've borrowed from your parents and run up a credit card bill, meanwhile your partner is in debt to a drug dealer. What's open and honest about a relationship where one person prioritises their own needs over the needs of their family?

He needs to stop buying weed and start facing his responsibilities. Have a look at www.entitledto.co.uk/ and check out the benefits calculator and check out your options.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, you must be exhausted and worried sick. Please remember that he's caused this but you've been lumbered with the debt.

As far as I know he's not in any debt with anybody, but if he keeps loaning one week then having to pay double the next it's just a viscous circle.
It's not that he puts his smoking before us, he just doesn't think. If I knew he was going to spend £100 yesterday I would of spoken to him about it. He has no control over the bills, over any money because it just burns through his pocket. (Not just on drugs) If he had the bank card he would go out and buy our daughters new clothes or toys even though they don't need them. Its asthough when he has money he has to spend it and anything he can think of! When I met him he used to smoke a heck of a lot more to what he does now, and since having our recent daughter he now only has one to go to bed with, as a relaxer I suppose.

As far as I know he's not in any debt with anybody, but if he keeps loaning one week then having to pay double the next it's just a viscous circle.

That's getting in debt. If he normally spends £20 on weed and this weeks it's £100 He has borrowed for 5 weeks. That's debt.

He is putting it before you he knows money is tight. Stop treating him like a child. Money is tight, you should not have to speak to him before he goes and blows £100. He knows money is tight and didn't tell you because he knew you would say no.

He is putting weed in front of his family. When money is tight everyone drops things they don't need. But he hasn't, he borrowed for it. And then you borrowed off your parents.

He isn't a child he is a grown man. But until you wake up, nothing will change.

If you are happy with his habit when it is under control and within known spending limits just give him the cash. I personally would never give my cash card to anyone else (DP doesn't care as we have a joint account).

For the love of fuck, you have kids and are struggling to buy essentials yet he blows £100 on a luxury and acquires that £100 from you dishonestly to boot. By no stretch of anyone's imagination is that remotely acceptable or forgivable. This is not someone to build your life with.

I'd be concerned if my dh was prioritising buying drugs over feeding his family yes.

My advice to you is to leave him. Your relationship bar is also so very low here and that needs urgent raising. The money and his smoking weed are linked here. And stop with giving your bank card to him to boot.

Would you want either child to have a relationship like this as adults, no you would hopefully reply. This is not good enough for you either.

He is putting smoking weed before you and his children; that is what his primary relationship is with. Its not with you people. By remaining with him you are enabling him to continue as he is doing without apparent consequence whilst he continues to drag you and your kids down with him. You're in financial crisis due to his behaviours and he is financially and emotionally irresponsible as a human being. What sort of partner and father is he to you and your children respectively?.

What are you getting out of this relationship now with him, what is the payoff here for you?. You already have two children by him and he is a third.