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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Communication misaligned...

3 replies

Blackcatnofat · 23/08/2018 21:32

Not sure if IABU or not so seeking out advice...

Been seeing a guy for 4 months. He's in the Army, due to go away in Jan. He's never been married, no kids. I have a DD 8 and a DS 10, not met yet. Not met families yet due to distance but met all his friends and one of his sisters plus he's put a few photos of us of social networks. Definitely exclusive but not mention of this on social networks, just the photos.

All good when we're together, usually EOW and a day or two during the week. He's not emotional or romantic, said he loves me when pissed once, I said it a couple of weeks ago and he just said me too.

When we're apart he texts about twice a day, and I feel that's only in response to me texting. I accept he doesn't like to communicate that way and we've never done the good morning/good night text. We don't talk about the future other than vague 'at Christmas we'll do xyz' or 'next year we'll do xyz'.

I'm just frustrated that I need to lower my expectations to meet his - few texts, no romance etc and he makes no effort in reverse. He said he's not used to having a girlfriend and doesn't always know what to say or do. He says to tell him when he's being a twat but when I try to bring it up he just brushes over my feelings.

So my AIBU is should I put up and shut up because he's great in all ways apart from the communication, or should I call it a day because he's not prepared to compromise on something that's important to me? I don't want much, just an indication that he cares. I've been on OLD for 2.5 years and have met some right fuckwits, so I do know a good 'un when I see it and don't want to cut my nose off.

TIA.

OP posts:
sophiec123 · 23/08/2018 21:58

I think you should stick with him if you truly do want to see how things go. As he has said, he's not used to having a girlfriend, you never know the communication may get better the more he feels comfortable.

However, I do think that if changes don't happen naturally within a couple of months then you'll know what to do. It works both ways at the end of the day and you both have to feel comfortable/satisfied?

X

Blackcatnofat · 23/08/2018 22:16

Thank you - it does seem a shame to throw things away and I keep telling myself it's not personal.

And it's not as if communication had decreased recently indicating he's lost interest - he's always been terrible!

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 23/08/2018 23:41

My question is, can you be in a long distance relationship with someone who isn't used to communicating his feelings? Will it be enough for you to feel loved and wanted?

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