Dont know if you can go back and look through my over posts that I put on AIBU but it explains the situation I am in in more depth
i'm 19, 33 weeks pregnant, give birth in 5..
when her (my baby's) dad found out I was pregnant he said he never wanted or saw a future with me, did not want anything to do with us, I should get an abortion, all of those things were horrible of course, but I think what is and still is messing me up the most in side is the fact he tells everyone, everyone being his friends and his family (mum, sister, grandparents, uncles, aunts..) that I got pregnant on purpose and only did it so I can have him in my life forever..
The reality is, I shared concerns with him regrading my fertility due to my previous 4 years of impatient treatment for an eating disorder, where my periods stopped at numerous points because my weight was so low, I said I was scared that my fertility may have been affected but at no point did I ever say I could not get pregnant, I said I was too embarrassed to go the doctors and scared of what might be said. Being around older girls and women with long term anorexia, fertility problems were NOT uncommon, it was not uncommon at all to hear of girls going to get checked out and finding out they could not conceive. I saw this first hand and saw how badly it affected the girls.
Its just a scary thing, being so young and finding out something so definite, I don't know, it scared me. My point is, I never refused sex without a condom, I never told him I couldn't get pregnant, I just shared what was concerning me 1) because he was my boyfriend and we were sexually active and 2) because I regarded him as my best friend and these were real fears of mine, my periods and my cycle was so so irregular to the point of me missing my period some months made me truly scared and think that it was a possibility. I don't think that's illogical to think? Is it? I can understand where he is coming from if I told him I went to the doctor and he told me I couldn't, but I never said anything like that, I just said I was scared because of my past and what I saw others girls going through.
I suppose my doubts made me more lenient towards unprotected sex happening, (which was not a regular occurrence by the way) and yes, I do take full responsibility for this completely which is why I decided to keep my baby and to give back to her in every-way I can. But in no way did I lie about anything, in no way is this something that I planned or I did deliberately to "keep him around" and I feel humiliated, that's what people think happened, people think I lied and got pregnant on purpose. People think I'm crazy and I cannot even defend myself.
I just wanted to explain that before I go into what I'm about to say.
We met when I was 16, he was 18 so two years older than me. Over the course of the two years I was pressured and harassed into sex by him on countless occasions, the most recent occasion being about 7 weeks ago.
To be honest It makes me cry to think about and it only clicked in my head properly after not speaking to him for a long time. I always felt it was wrong, I knew from everything in the media about "consent" that you should only have to say no once and if someone truly loved you they would not push you into it after you say no. I just thought he loved me, even after saying no so many times, even though I didn't want to, even though it hurt physically, I just wanted him to stop but he would never give in. And then I would just pray it was over and I could go to sleep but no, so relentless, no matter how many times I said no he would not stop.
There is one occasion I think of, I was 16 at the time, not long into out relationship, he wanted to record us having sex, I said I did not want to have sex and I did not want it recorded. It happened anyway. A few days later I get a text from him saying he watched the video back and he was disgusted by how he acted as he could see I clearly did not want what was happening to be happening. He said he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again. It did. I dont know what happened to the video. I now know its illegal to take videos or picture of a sexual nature of those under 18 in the UK.
Other countless times things like this happened. I questioned and sometimes still do question if this is just part and parcel of being in a relationship with someone that things like this happen. If this is just normal and I'm over reacting? I do feel more clear headed about the situation now I am no longer in contact with him. And I can recognise that thinking about these events makes me upset so something must be amiss, but then I also have thoughts that I'm just an attention seeker even though I never told anyone about this until a week ago when I told my mother.
She refereed me to counselling but I'm scared I'll just be told that these things just happen in relationships and I need to live in the real world.
I dont know. I'm so conflicted. On one hand I'm angry that everyone thinks I got pregnant on purpose and that hes the victim when I was the one who didn't even want to have sex most of the time It happened, on the other hand I feel like an idiot for feeling so upset by it all.
Do you think its wrong? Am I overreacting? Should I just not go to counselling and get over it. Is this just part of being with someone in a realtionship?