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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Cheating Wife

3 replies

23LostAtSea · 23/08/2018 19:30

Hi everyone, I thought I'd post on here because it seems like a really supportive community and I wasn't sure where to turn.

My wife and I have been married for a year and we're quite young. We were in love from the moment we met and I moved in virtually straight away. After a few months of our relationship I found that she had been messaging former lovers - not ex's especially just people from her past. We talked it through and it made us a stronger couple in both our eyes. The paranoia came back every so often and I checked her phone a few times. She found out and understand, I didn't find anything anyway.

In May of this year I noticed that her behaviour had changed, she was working hard and I put it down to stress. She had a night out with her friends and I checked her laptop. I found nude photos of herself, other men and found evidence that she had been messaging other men for a few months. We talked it through when she got home the morning after and she said that she felt loved by me but this was a kind of release I guess? She does have a fetish for older men with beards (not me unfortunately!). She claims to have never met any of the men that she was messaging but I have strong doubts. She has some of the men in question on social media - instagram mainly. Three months on and things are getting better but I'm not sure if I have the full picture yet.

I'm a bit of a loss really.

A. I want to believe that she didn't meet any of these men but I can't get much more out of her.
B. I'm not sure if she's stopped and how I confront her about it.
C. I still feel very paranoid about what has happened.

I don't want to leave her because I still feel like there is more to be revealed but I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid.

Happy to provide more details and happy to clarify but I thought was a good start! Any help will be much appreciated.

x

OP posts:
Saffy60 · 23/08/2018 19:54

I think you do know but you are finding it hard to believe and understandably don't want it to be true.

However even if she didn't cheat "in the flesh" she was cheating on every other level and disrespecting you and your relationship.

Copy and paste this, have a read of the page, it is meant for women having this problem with their man but works exactly the same the other way around. read it carefully and think about it even more carefully.... Good luck.

thoughtcatalog.com/lacey-ramburger/2016/12/if-he-doesnt-respect-you-he-doesnt-love-you/

MMmomDD · 23/08/2018 20:12

OP - I am sorry to say - but you and your W are a typical example of why an early marriage isn’t a great idea....
She clearly has a lot of exploring and playing around that she needs to get out if her system before (if ever) she is ready to settle down....
Despite, quite possibly, loving you.

I don’t see any happy endings here. You’ll continue to be distrustful, and she’ll continue doing what she needs to do. She may be trying to control it, but will fail again. Or else - she’ll become resentful and unhappy.

Not many choices you have here. Explore together - open up your marriage a bit? Allow each other some degree of flirtation, etc?
Or - take a break?

Sorry.

23LostAtSea · 23/08/2018 20:22

Now I've written it down and read it back through, I agree! Thanks a lot for the advice and the link I really appreciate it :)

OP posts:
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