I posted a while ago about an incident escalated and I hit DP. There is no excuse but I just want to give you a bit of background. I was dealing with a lot (Parents walking out on me, work difficulties, physical and mental health difficulties, DP's physical and mental health difficulties etc) and feel I took a lot out on my DP as he was the closest person to me. I had a lot of anger issues and we'd often have really awful arguments where I'd shout and swear at him and then we'd both end up stooping to personal insults.
We were in the process of buying our first house together at the time. Stupidly we'd both said we wanted to get married despite the almost constant rows and had been in touch with a few potential venues to get prices and dates etc. We were just about to book the ceremony and pay for the deposit. However we had a huge row and my anger exploded and I hit him. I was arrested and given a caution.
We went through with the house purchase about a week later after lots of very long conversations and tears. The wedding on the other hand was another matter and he said he no longer wanted to.
I don't know how we can move on from this or is it just a case of more time? We had a chat whilst away on holiday last week. He said he doesn't feel the need to rush getting married and I agree but I can't help feeling sad as I was so excited when he said he wanted to marry me initially. He said it reached such an awful point and he doesn't want it to go there again. I feel the emotional arguments were awful and I wonder if the physical violence is actually so much worse? I feel it was bordering on emotional abuse at the time and I accept that can be just as bad.
Things have improved so much but how can we move past this into a more positive place? He's been married before too so we'd want to make sure we're in a much better place before progressing.