Did I overreact?

[SugarBabe18]

I wonder if you could put my mind at rest please? A few years ago, I was engaged to someone who was still married to his wife. His marriage with her was over for sure, as we bought a house together. Whenever I asked my fiance when he was going to get a divorce, he just kept saying that he couldn't get a divorce because he didn't want to 'rock the boat' with his wife as she may stop him from seeing his daughter. I put up with this for a few years, but it used to get me down. I had to put up with his wife ringing our house every evening to put his daughter on the phone to speak to him. Of course he had to speak to his daughter, but he also used to have his daughter every weekend that he had free. I never had a say in it and he would also cancel our plans if is wife needed him to look after his daughter.

However, on the weekends when he didn't have his daughter, he would expect me to do whatever he wanted to do and, if I didn't, say for example, I was going out with my Mum, he would pull a face and make me feel guilty.

Anyway, the relationship ended and I still can't get over it.

I would just like to know if anyone has any views on this and whether you think that I was overreacting to feel not second best, but third best in our 'so called' relationship?

Thanks you in anticipation!

When you say you can't get over it, what do you mean?

It doesn't sound great to be honest. He wouldn't commit to you, and you sound resentful of his daughter. Plus the pulling a face and making you feel guilty if you didn't do what he wanted... Do you really want that for a relationship? Were you very young at the time?

I'm not sure what your question refers to. I take it you ended the relationship?

The only thing you did wrong was to stay in the relationship so long. Of course you were going to be second place to his daughter. Of course he was going to prioritise his daughter over you. But the rest makes him a shite partner. If he 'couldn't' get a divorce, what the hell was he doing proposing to you for?

SugarBabe I think you're going to get absolutely slated on here.
You must know that you were the OW throughout your whole relationship. Whether he bought a house with you or not he was never going to officially leave his wife. He was never going to marry you. The whole 'she'll stop me from seeing my daughter' bullshit was just that, bullshit. Visitation is worked out by the courts and he would have to be a pretty shit person to not get court ordered visits with his DD. He didn't want to rock the boat with his wife in case he ever wanted to move back into the marital home. Nice for him to have options and 2 women to choose from.
He's a narcissistic asshole who managed to convince you that you are 2nd last in everything and to be happy with that. You were a 2nd class citizen in your own life which was perfect for him as you were doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted. If you did something you wanted he made you feel guilty.
It's good that you've ended the relationship, he'll go back to his probably long suffering wife and you can spend some time working on yourself. Your self esteem must be pretty low to quite happily be the OW (you obviously knew he was married when you started up with him). You can do better than being some guys side piece, when you learn this you will be able to move past what you're going through and find someone who is available and will treat you right.

No you didn't overreact.

He was still firmly in a relationship with his wife. You were never going to be prioritised over his wife.

You didn't overreact.
However, you should be moving on from this now....good luck.