I have a date for the first time since being in a toxic relationship and I am so nervous

[Ta77Blonde]

I have a date this weekend with a guy I met once yet have spoken to every day. He seems really into me, really nice, is excited I am coming to see him and talks about plans for the few days Im going to be with him, buttttttt, Im so nervous as I haven't been near a man in 5 years since my last abusive asshole of a partner and I split. Any tips! Im sick with nerves but am pushing myself to do this...

Just take things slowly, don't rush into it.
Get to know each other first before getting into a relationship.
Fingers crossed it goes well for you. And have FUN 😊

I intend on going very slowly! He said he would look after me. Im excited but still extremely nervous.

I think the problem if you are in that situation is that you will be over-invested in the whole date as a "Big Deal".

So my tip would be remembe that it's litererally just a date - it's like a mini preliminary friendship interview - do we get on? do I like him? does he like me? = all to a level enough to take it to the next stage of a second round interview before a probationary period and then the job of bf/gf if you get that far.

You need to remember that most people are "interviewing" /dating lots of people - so the fact that this is your only recent interview means it maybe a big deal to you - but it isn't really - either to you or to him.

So try to just treat it as a bit of fun and don't drink too much especially if you are nerous.

My other tip is make sure you wear clothes that you have worn before and feel comfortable in - so nothing new and nothing that is uncomfortable (highest heels you can't really walk in or scratchy lace lingerie).

Pinkandyellowandgreen,

Im not thinking Im going to marry this man, I also don't plan on it getting too serious anytime soon as I have to fly to see him. Ive read The Rules, lol and quote them to my friends. I am taking it at face value. Im extremely nervous at the thought of another man touching me, literally the first time we met he wanted to hold hands and that was strange as I haven't been near anyone else other than my ex in the past 5 years. It was strange.

He leaned in for a kiss upon meeting and that was strange. I pulled away and he tried a few more times, I eventually gave in! lol But Im bricking it! lol HELP!

Ive read The Rules,

Apparently not if you are saying:

as I have to fly to see him

Sorry but completely forgetting about the question you asked in your post, I really don't think YOU should be FLYING to go on a date with a man. It's all too much investment on your part and too little on his. At least meet half way.

Personally, I think that is sending about a gazillion wrong messages.

Good luck and hope you have a nice date anyway.

I pulled away and he tried a few more times, I eventually gave in

So he trampled over your boundaries on your first date but you've decided to go and see him for "a few days" on which he will almost certainly expect sex and sulk if he doesn't get it - why?

If you are visiting his city on business then fair enough but if you've put your hand in your pocket to go and see him and have him consistently make you uncomfortable with the pace then wow, I mean The Rules is/are stupid as fuck but you're not even following them...

Yes he’s pushing you beyond your boundaries (very sensible to not want to kiss and hold the hand of someone you’d never met before - but he forced it and you caved).

Are you staying with him for the few days? If so that’s too quick and he will be expecting sex. And judging from what you have said, he will be pushing for it even if you don’t enthusiastically consent.

Maybe it will all be great but I don’t think this is a situation where your boundaries will be respected.

Hope I’m wrong.

whoa guys...bar the kiss thing which I agree is crossing the line, I don't really see the problem with a flight to meet him.

I flew to the other side of Europe to meet my partner, we've been together 2 years and getting married next year.

I admit it wasn't a conventional beginning to a relationship but that doesn't mean it can't work.

If it's truly what u want OP, give it a go and good luck - take sensible precautions, let friends and family know exactly where you're going and when, check in regularly etc

Ok I might be being paranoid here but who paid for your flight and arranged your hotel? I'm guessing (hoping) you're in a hotel and not staying at his? Where did you meet him?

Did you do the Freedom Programme after your last abusive relationship. It would give you a heads up on tactics used by abusers in the early stages of a new relationship and show you things to look out for.
I hope it does go well for you though. Just be careful and make sure he sticks to your boundaries. If he doesn’t, that’s pretty disrespectful and so early on.

Iamclearlyamug

Thanks for the positive feedback! Was nearly sick there with the negativity! Its a bit of positivity in my life with a man who genuinely seems nice!

There are nice people out there!

And after the sh1t ive been through with the last ba5tard, Im looking forward to being spoilt this weekend!

Im thinking Sex and the City style life right now! The opposite of what I have always done.

good girl, be positive until there's a reason not to be! unconventional starts are sometimes the best starts!

anyway feel free to PM me if you need to - after all I've been there and worn the t shirt 😉😉

Iamclearlyamug

Thanks so much!! Sometimes you've got to live a little!! Throw caution to the wind! You never know, he could be wonderful!

Flights delayed!