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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please

8 replies

Woody188726 · 23/08/2018 10:18

I need some advice, I'm not sure if I'm just not seeing whats right in front of me. ok, here goes.
I'm a married man, two wonderful grown up kids, working away from home for sometimes a couple of months at a time. I have an older brother and a wife I adore.
I send flowers on her birthday, anniversary etc and we pretty much have a happy relationship.
Except for a few things I just can't get out of my head.
Many years ago I worked the social clubs helping out local bands, my brother would come along and help out too, He'd sit at the back of the room and run the sound system, I would run the lights. It was a good night out and all the girlfriends and wives would tag along.
My job however required me to sit stage side whilst my girlfriend (now wife) would sit behind the mixing desk amongst the wives and my brother. Many years go by and my wife lets slip that one night whilst they were sat there my brother took my girlfriends hand and placed it on his groin.
They play it off as a big joke but it bothers me, a lot. Why was my brother holding her hand? Why did it take so long to tell me? How can placing your own brothers girlfriends hand on your groin be a joke?
It still comes up in conversation some times and they all laugh it off but it just gets to me every time.
When my father passed away a few years later we were all sat outside coming to terms with his passing. My wife and brothers wife turned up and my wife ran to my brother and hugged him. She left me sat there, alone. After she had consoled my brother she came over to me.
Am I being too sensitive about this?
Am I seeing things that aren't really there?
Thanks for listening.

OP posts:
Thingsdogetbetter · 23/08/2018 10:27

Way to over sensitive about your wife. If these are the only 'instances' which happened years ago, you are really making up things to be paranoid about. She wasn't 'holding' his hand, and as your brother had just arrived hugging him after the death of your father would be the appropriate thing to do. Seeing it as abandoning you is very odd.

However, I'd be a bit pissed off that your creepy brother grabbed your wife's hand and placed it on his groin. Even as a joke. I'd say she laughs about it out of embarrassment.

Doyoumind · 23/08/2018 10:31

Your brother sounds creepy. Your wife hasn't done anything wrong. Don't hold this against her.

LottaTea · 23/08/2018 10:35

Have you ever confronted him regarding why he did it? I mean seriously confronted him?

HollyGibney · 23/08/2018 10:39

Wife hasn't done anything wrong? So your husband's father dies and you arrive and plants a big hug straight on his brother even though the brothers wife is there to do that, leaving your actual husband sat alone...

Right. I'd be gutted myself.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/08/2018 10:50

She didn't abandon the op, she was sitting with op, and when to console brother on brother's arrival and then returned to op. Brother's wife not consoling op at the same time is the weird bit.

Thingsdogetbetter · 23/08/2018 10:54

Just realised I got that wrong! Sorry op. Yeap. That's a bit weird unless it was the first time she'd seen him since your father's death.

Thinkingofausername1 · 23/08/2018 11:39

I'd see that as a cry for help. He may have done other things she is scared to tell you about Sad. Be gentle and listen.

Musti · 23/08/2018 12:34

Your brother sounds like a creep! Did you do better than him or something and he wanted to take something from you? What kind of brother does that??

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