Single and wondering

[Willing2acceptAdvice]

Hi all,

Just wondering what your thoughts are on a subject that’s been playing on my mind.

I am single. I’m 35 almost 36. I don’t seem to be having much look in the dating department. I’m 35, own car, house and good job. I don’t have children and would like them. I’m a handsome guy but don’t seem to be getting much luck? Someone said something about my age and maybe people are put off by that the other day and it played on my mind so I thought I would ask here as it seems a good place we’re people give good advice.

Is my when somethinng that is likely to put someone off? If you were 30-34 be put off by my age? Or am I just reading into things a little too much...

So this is Old specifically? Ime 40-42 is the cut off for most women of fertile years when looking for someone to have children with. I think it may be your profile. Double check that you haven't accidentally selected that you have children/are a Mormon (thus happened to a friend of mine). Post a link to your profile if you are brave enough.

I get where you’re coming from, and I’m in a similar position. Resigned myself to not OLD and hope to meet someone in 3D; somewhere, somehow!

OLD is too transient in my experience. You feign a great connection with someone then they go ‘shopping’ again and find someone they perceive better. It’s no good for the old confidence.

Message as many people as you can, let friends know you are actively looking to see if they can set you up! Get out as much as you can, say yes to every opportunity etc. Maybe try some meet up groups, match?

Post a link to your profile if you are brave enough.

This isn't bad idea, or pm it to a couple of people.

I remember, many years ago, I looked at the profile of a woman who was experiencing similar, OP. I made a couple of really minor suggestions regarding how she could tweak it. She did and it made a difference.

I'd be happy to do it again

How long have you been doing OLD and how many people are you messaging?

Expect to get about a 1% response rate. So yes, you need to send 100 personally crafted messages before anything leads to a date. You know why? Because if in a typical day you get up for work, hit the petrol station on the way, stop to get a coffee then stop somewhere else for breakfast, work through the morning, pop out to lunch for a sandwich or whatever, whip to Subway to get your colleagues lunches, back to the office, wolf down your sandwich then drop in to a team meeting to "build the brand" of your department, back to your desk for a conference call, then another meeting at 3.30pm at which you cave and accept a coffee from the vending machine...

So in the course of that day you've probably met 100 people. How many of them do you want to date?

Are you boring?

Is the own house and good job all you have going for you? I always find it a bit patronising when men put this on their profiles. Lots of women aged 30 will have the same. They need more from a man.

Agree with snoopydogg nothing worse than the men with I have a lovely car , my own house etc ...may as well say I'm looking for a gold digger /trophy GF/someone who has none of these . Oh and " not into drama" - you mean you just want your own way all the time ? All tips on what not to do !

Im 28 and 35 would in no way put me off.

Maybe youre simply not suited to OLD? Im not and you sound very much like my BF. He has said similar things to you, as well as mentioned the women he has spoken tos attitudes leaving much to be desired.

One woman ghosted him until her friend commented he was fit and then she was interested again.

Others wanted to know highly personal details within a couple of messages, and would pester for nudes (he doesnt like sending them).

Personally ive only ever turned to it if i was absolutely desperate for a quick shag and even then it was disappointing. Plenty up for it but none able to perform well even then.

I think its a minefield of damaged or incomplete people who would do better turning to a therapist than to a dating site,with anything better being few and far between.

Both BF and I get lots of attention in real life, to the point we both seem to attract some rather bizarre obsessive behaviour, so its almost certainly nothing to do with your looks or "value" as a provider.

Do yourself a favour. Take all the time you spend on OLD and use that time in the real world. Youre far more likely to find a compatible partner and if you meet them through a mutual hobby you won't have to worry about thinking of something to do together.

The psychological trick of these websites is to keep you clicking just in case your dream partner is just over the next page.

They most likely arent because the sort of person you really want isnt spending their life behind a PC screen, behind a glossy, carfully chosen and edited representation of themselves. Theyre out there doing actual fulfilling activities. Even the ones on OLD who claim to have hobbies. Most are just listing things they've experienced.

Cant even count the number of men whove claimed to have an interest in horses to me, and turned out their great aunts cousin twice removed had an ex racehorse they couldnt handle nevermind do anything resembling a hobby with.

Ive only met one man who delivered on the hobby side and turned up with two massive malamutes in tow, to go with my two siberian huskies.

And he was bloody married.

Fuckers. Go out. Get a hobby or just spend time in public enough and youll get attention and offers that way.

No one will be put off by your age.

Do you have tick lists in your head which stop you connecting?

For example - are you open to dating women with children?

It’s not your age. You come across as completely normal but get someone to check out your profile as pps have suggested in case you say something which is putting women off.

If people are clicking on your profile but not responding to your message it’s probably your photos. Get someone to help you pick some flattering ones.

I recently started online dating and these are the reasons I did not reply to messages I received/wasn’t interested -

• much older than me
• too far away (I say local in my profile)
• don’t look my type at all in their photos/really awful photos
• one guy sent me a lovely message and looked nice but his profile had a list of likes and dislikes in women that I could never have lived up to
• hey or hi messages
• messages where the bloke sounds a bit desperate

I do respond to messages which pick out something from my profile. I also like funny. Even if I am not sure about the pics I will give them a chance if they make me laugh. What’s also important is when you start messaging, keep the conversation upbeat and sparky, not just how was your day?

It’s not your age. I’m 32 and would have no issue being with someone your age. I get the impression online dating is hard for men sometimes, lots of messages sent not a lot of replies.

Keep at it - a woman may message you out of the blue, this may be better as she will have been proactive. Just keep at it x

I think its a minefield of damaged or incomplete people who would do better turning to a therapist than to a dating site,with anything better being few and far between.

Bit of an exaggeration but hey its your opinion . I know several people who are in happy relationships now due to OLD . Not everyone has the opportunity to meet people in real life .

Funicorn i know a few too. But IME and opinion there are far more of tge type i described than the type who will get into a successful LTR. Plenty of MNers voice the opinion that youll have to sift through tons of unsuitable candidates, and that in my opinion, is why.

Obviously i am not obtuse enough to insist everyone whos ever graced an OLD site is a train wreck.

I've noticed a lot of guys criticise women with stereotypes in their profiles when they're starting to get a bit disillusioned with dating and it's ever so off putting, could you be doing this? They say things like: i want no drama, no psychos, no gold diggers, no women with stupid eyebrows or Snapchat filters...

Its also pointless because who would identify themselves as a gold digger or a drama queen?

I'm 32 though and 36 would be a perfectly good age for me, I tend to specify 30-40, myself.

Also, apologies if I've missed this but have you written a full profile, not just 'ask me anything'. That is one of my pet hates on OLD!! Lazy!

Hi all,
Thanks for your replies so far. They have been helpful and informative. Yes I have got a full dating profile.

If you want if you are still monitoring this then I will post my bio. I’m not lazy and I write well written individual messages to women. I’m not a copy and paste guy. I read over each persons bio and info before messaging them.

So what do you all think? Willing to have a look? X

Definately post your bio.

You really need someone to look at your complete profile too as it can be the most minor details that put women off.

Yes, let's have a glance over it.

As Custard says, when I've looked over male friends' profiles for them, it's often been easily overlooked details that have caught my eye in a negative way.