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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What would your reaction be?

27 replies

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 22:27

Plans made for 2nd anniversary and have to change coz mum wants him to go home early to look after the dog. He's agreed I totally feel like shit.
Am I in the wrong I feel like I'm acting like a spoilt brat but we have been making plans since July. Plus I have a surprise of a hot tub romantic meal and a child free house. He knows I don't have the kids and there is huge surprise to.
Just feel like the effort and money has all been for nothing

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Eatmycheese · 22/08/2018 22:30

Sorry, let me get this straight his mother has asked him to go and look after the dog. Is it their dog?
Is he a man child?
No you are definitely not being unreasonable it is shit

BrevilleTron · 22/08/2018 22:32

What the actual bleeding buggering FUCK?

He didn't marry his mum he married YOU!! His mum can take care of the dog as you have made plans!

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 22:35

He lives with his mum. There was 2 dogs now there's 1. The other dog passed away 2 months ago. Eventhough the living dog has been absolutely fine. His mum said he has to watch the dog.

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MysteriousQuinn · 22/08/2018 22:38

He has plans.....so he's not free to look after the dog, end of. You have every right to be pissed off.

MysteriousQuinn · 22/08/2018 22:38

How old is he? 15? Confused

mogratpineapple · 22/08/2018 22:39

How old is he? If it's over 18 he needs to step up.

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 22:41

I thought I might of done over the top but there has not been any issues with the dog since the other has passed. She asked if she could come here but I can't the dog hasn't been looked after well bad teeth bad breath drops too much hair. I'm still finding hair from 2 months ago. So when he told her i said no to the dog coming here again she said well you will have to come home then.

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Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 22:42

Hes 32. And I know if been telling this for a very long time. Funny how he can drop me just like that though.

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TastelesslyDone · 22/08/2018 23:04

What’s his mum doing?

Fatted · 22/08/2018 23:06

I don't say it lightly, but LTB. If he's going to dump you over his mother's dog, then it shows you where you are on his list of priorities.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/08/2018 23:07

You’ve been together for two years, and he.......still lives with his Mum?

Maybe you have more problems than the dog issue?

But my reaction would definitely be anger/sadness. You’ve got every right to talk to him about how you feel.

timeisnotaline · 22/08/2018 23:09

He’s going to skip your anniversary for his mums dog? Not keeper behaviour to put it mildly. If you aren’t going to dump him now, be completely unavailable this weekend. Meet friends, get out of the house.

dirtybadger · 22/08/2018 23:17

Does he know you have plans?

I might sound like a dick but I'd be a bit Confused at my DP making plans to celebrate being together for 2 years. Not really the same as a wedding anniversary. I let it pass each year without any mention, I don't think I know anyone who treats it as a thing.

If he's very attached to the dog then I also don't find it that odd he wants to spend time with it after losing the other one recently.

But I'm a weirdo dog lady, probably. Dog comes first.

Justgivemesomepeace · 22/08/2018 23:17

Are you talking about your wedding anniversary or just 2 years since you met? Unsure as you don't live together, and you say that he knows you don't have the kids.
If it's the latter can't you just do it on another night? I can't really get excited about anniversaries of 'when we met' though. However if it's important to you, and you had agreed arrangements already he a bit out if order letting you down. If it's an actual wedding anniversary then he needs to sort out his priorities but why does he live with his mum?

dirtybadger · 22/08/2018 23:19

I also don't think it's odd he lives with his my after being with you for 2 years. You have DC so it's sensible not to rush into living together and the whole step parent thing. It's a bit Hmm he's at home at 32 but these things happen.

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 23:21

Yes he still lives with his mum I haven't moved him in yet as I have children and don't really want to rush things.

She's tonight be working 11 till 8, it's not a puppy tho it's an adult dog it's also been left on it's own since other dog died so we all know It will be fine.

That's how I feel. He's just a people pleaser can't say no to his mum or his ex coz he says it keeps the peace. But it doesn't they just take the piss but he doesn't see it like that. Anyway if let him know how I feel. I'm stubborn when I'm hurt and rightly so

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HollowTalk · 22/08/2018 23:23

Oh god, don't move that mummy's boy in with you!

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 23:24

It's not a wedding anniversary no. I didn't really celebrate them (bad history with ex) but he made it or like we needed to etc so I started to get excited dis things different in this relationship etc.

He knew we had plans he knew everything apart from the hot tub.

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dirtybadger · 22/08/2018 23:27

If someone persuaded me to make plans, I got really into it, and then they cancelled I would be pissed off.

Has he suggested an alternative? I would expect to be invited over so you can at least still do something (he could cook,watch a film, takeaway, etc).

And that's despite previous comment re not really wanting to celebrate the thing in the first place! It's rude to cancel plans at late notice.

dingodon · 22/08/2018 23:36

Why is it that we women (not necessarily all) set the bar so low in relationships?

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 23:41

He just said you can come back with me if you want. But I don't want to tbh coz it's pissed me off. He moans we don't get enough time together as it is.
And I can't have sexy time as his mum's house doesn't sit right with me

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y0rkier0se · 22/08/2018 23:43

My dog likes the hot tub if that helps Grin

Louw12345 · 22/08/2018 23:44

This is a deal breaker for me. I understand children should be there for their parents etc but this is on another level.
She will be pissed off coz I said no. But it's not my dog or his. Sounds harsh but it's coz I'm annoyed

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SparklyMagpie · 23/08/2018 07:53

Oh my god! No way, i'd be ending it

He's 32 and goes running as soon as his mummy claps her hands

Did she know you originally had plans? Just wondering if it was her trying to wrack them?

Either way if I was you, that'd be it for me

Louw12345 · 23/08/2018 11:25

She knows everything. I do feel like she was coz I said the dog couldn't come to mine

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