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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Past heartbreak

7 replies

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 22/08/2018 21:30

In the past how have you got over someone who doesn't want you ?

OP posts:
Putitallbehindme · 22/08/2018 23:04

Nothing but time, working on your own self esteem by focusing on things to make you happy and for me finding someone new!

I’m sorry that’s happened to you x

richdeniro · 22/08/2018 23:56

Gone through it recently and the best thing, even though it's the hardest you'll get round to doing is to delete their number, delete all previous conversations from whatsapp/messages, take their photos off your phone (put them in a folder somewhere you won't be tempted to look on your computer or in the cloud), block them on Facebook/social media and if you think you're going to be tempted to look by unblocking briefly then delete your account or have a friend change your password so you can't access it until you are in a place you are able to.

You have to go full no contact which includes all of the above.

Once those are actually done it actually feels like a small weight is lifted and wasn't as hard as it seems. Then you need to concentrate on yourself, keep busy, see friends/family, book a holiday and all the conventional advice you are going to find if you were to put your question into Google. Accept the sadness, have a cry when you need to, talk to your friends about it, write letters/emails to the person to get it off your chest but don't send them. It all helps.

At the moment it feels gutwrenching but in two weeks you'll feel slightly better, in six you'll feel yourself getting over them and a few weeks after that you'll feel a lot lot better. It's a cliche but time is a healer with these things but you have to do the above however hard it may be.

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 23/08/2018 02:44

Thank you both so much .I'm with a man but don't fully trust him and a ex from many years ago kept bumping into me on purpose over a period of time .In May he admitted he did it on purpose and that he stays with his long term girlf because they've been together a long time.few days ago I bumped into him again and just asked him if he felt same way and tbh just said no .worst part is I don't know why it hurt so much .I've not had a affair or anything and I just wanted to see how he felt to put some closure on it .I'm sorry you've both been hurt too xxxx

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 23/08/2018 05:28

OP you are sounding passive with your life. You're staying with a man you don't trust. You became invested in the feelings of an ex, who was sort of cheating on his long-term girlfriend by bumping into you regularly (unwilling/bot wanting to leave her).
These things are happening to you, rather than you deciding what you want and going for it.
I could be wrong, but might counselling help?

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 23/08/2018 05:45

Morning xxxive been thinking about it .the reason I trust my man is sometimes he doesn't text me on a night but is on what's app late at night /early hours .I know I shouldn't have invested feelings with the said man and tbh I can't understand why I'm so upset .I think it's because he used me as he has turned up a few times in the last 4 years .Thank you so much for your support .

OP posts:
NoOtherWay · 23/08/2018 11:44

With regards to the WhatsApp, why are you checking? Just archive his chat and stop looking to see when he is or isn't online. Even better, turn off the last seen and read receipt, then you won't know. If you don't trust him is it worth continuing the relationship?

I would advise no contact with the other man and as above, build your own self up. Get a new hobby, do things you enjoy and put yourself first.

Notreadyforkidstogrowupyet · 23/08/2018 12:27

Thank you xxxim not in contact with him just bump into him .as for my oh I saw some emails on his phone a while ago and he was arranging to meet with a girl she told him to message her onsite not on her phone when I confronted him he said it was spam it wasn't till days later he said he was curious and was just messing with his mates .he was 38 at the time .when I went to bed I'd left what's app page open as I nodded off in my half asleep state I pressed his name instead of one above it and that's when I saw he'd been online .

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