Obsessed with his ex-wife

[welshieness]

Backstory: Severly sexually abused by grandfather as a child. Emotionally abusive parents. Failed marriage. Eating disorder. Years of counselling later....

Today: I am in a very beautiful 8 year relationship (6 week marriage) and have a 9 month old baby with a man who truly loves me. I feel it. His wedding vows floored me.

Problem: I can't get over the marriage he had before me. They were together when we met. He left her for me. He had been unhappy for a long time. Leaving her the way he did though went against everything he believes is right and he struggled for almost 2 years and during this time his ex was ever present in our relationship. I handled it because of the guilt I felt about it and I knew he was just eaten up by guilt.

Eventually we sorted through things and made a beautiful life for ourselves but I cant move passed his other marriage. If he chooses songs I think they played together or TV shows or films or places or holidays I get cripplingly insecure and think his life was better then and how or why would he choose me. I can't quite believe he would want me he's so lovely. Annoying at times but he's a good man. I know how we started was dodgy but it's not WHO he is and he made a mistake. I can't shake feeling like a mistake.

We have a beautiful girl together and he couldn't be a better father. This is his first.

I'm driving myself insane obsessing. Counsellor says it's linked to my insecurities from my childhood. Hmm... am I just being a div?

Thanks... sorry for the essay

You know what? I truly loved my ex-husband.
We had a child, everyone thought we had everything.
He cheated on me, dumped our child, and left for his mistress.
After the hurt, I'm glad he's no longer with me. Untrustworthy twat.
I still have a handwritten note from the night before he left, declaring his undying love.
She will experience the same.
I won't!

I think you need to try to focus on the songs the memories that you fear he thinks about... give yourself a shake every time you do it...

your to try NOT to focus

good lord I'm no help atall ...gulp

I think the problem in situations like this is that you know the man you have married is an accomplished liar.

He must have lied dozens of times to his XW. You cannot possibly know that he isn't lying to you, or that he will never cheat on you.

As PP have explained, the feelings you have are the result of how you got together. Not much anyone can do about that now.

Is emotional cheating not a thing? People must start something that crosses boundaries to know they want to leave for each other?

That feeling is just what you have to live with I'm afraid. She is possibly living with anxiety and life long trust issues due to being cheated on and you two live with the guilt.

Saying "he won't cheat again" is very naive. Yes you can say you really don't think he will but nobody can ever know their partner won't cheat, even if they've never cheated before.

I don't think it's a case of once a cheat always a cheat. I think some people are serial cheats. Others may be in unhappy relationships and simply fall in love with someone else.

OP I was with a long term boyfriend when I fell in love with my DH. I would never cheat on DH in my life.