Really struggling to move on and let go...

[LeylaMayla]

Hi,

I broke up with my childhood sweetheart (together for 12 years) about 2 years ago. Since then I have had no interest in men and never dated anyone else. Up until 1 month ago, I sill thought about my ex everyday and looked at photographs and messages and stuff we exchanged.

However, all that changed after I met this amazing new man who I literally fell in love with after only one encounter. We exchanged numbers and spoke for a few weeks. Then I stopped hearing from him and I messaged him to see how he is but he wasn't as bubbly as usual and there was no interest in the conversation from his end.

Since meeting this man, I literally have not thought about my ex and got rid of everything that reminded me of him (photos, belongings etc.). I know it's soon to say but I'm 100% sure that I'm in love with this new man. But... I don't want to throw myself at him or come off as liking him too much (my pride just won't let me).

I've been staring at his photos and smiling and then crying non stop since last night. How can I snap out of it and just move on. I had it easier when I broke up with my ex.

I think you're being too hard on yourself. The new man has re-awakened your emotions. Take time out. Set yourself a time limit of say 48 hours and then message him suggesting meeting up. I assume he's totally single. Take it easy on yourself. Be kind in your mind.

I mean this kindly but you cannot be in love after one encounter. At most you are "in like". I think you are feeling relieved that he has distracted you from ex. You need to calm down or you will scare him.off!

Obsessive much? I'm serious. Looking at an ex's photos and messages continually after TWO years is not normal and shows obsessive thinking. Then this new man you meet once and decide it's love and now you're obsessing about him. You're not in love, you're fixated. Crying over a man you've meet once and staring at his photo continuously is not normal and is again obsessive thinking. I would suggest that something in your childhood has left you desperate to be loved and find 'the one' to the detriment of your mh and own happiness. Step back and work out why you are so focused on these men. What's missing from your life? Counselling should be your next stop.

getupdressandshowup

saltandvinegarcrisps1

I have met plenty of men in the past 2 years but never had any interest at all because I never found anyone that was better than my ex. We ended the relationship on good terms. Therefore, I was constantly reminded of how good my ex was compared to all these other men.

But then I met him and I started seeing everything I was missing. I know I don't know him well but honestly when you find fault in everyone for 2 years then suddenly meet someone and your mind and heart finally clicks and says that's perfection right there.

At first he was showing interest and I thought great. But now I feel like he has lost interest... How can I move on and get a grip!

I don't know Leyla. If he isn't interested enough then he wasn't the one. Take time for yourself. People come and go in our lives.

It sounds like you aren't quite ready to date yet.

Delete all photos, messages etc of your ex and do not contact the new one again. Work on yourself, do things you enjoy, get a hobby, meet new people, have fun!

If the new one contacts you then perhaps arrange a second date, but take it slow, maybe coffee for an hour, you don't know him at all. If you've met him once he'll have presented an unrealistic, perfect side to himself. It takes a long, long time to get to know someone fully. I lived with my ex for one year (after being together 1.5) and I barely knew him at all. The true him only started to show after 2 years. Take it slow! Don't let your emotions get the better of you.

If he likes you, he'll contact you, otherwise don't waste your energy/time. Fill your life with other things and try not to focus so much on someone else.

Easier said than done, I know. X