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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is he loosing interest or am I being paranoid?

8 replies

nuala098 · 22/08/2018 14:17

recently I've noticed my partner become very distant from me, we've been together for 3 years and we broke up for about a month but since then we've gotten back together, reasons why we broke up where because he was doing things that hurt me and wasn't spending enough time with me and even when I asked him about it he promised he would change but never did so I had to end it. When we broke up it was devastating and he started speaking to me differently actually trying to spend more time with me but I told him I would only get back if he was going to make me a priority as I wasn't before only when it suited him. Past couple of weeks he hasn't. Last weekend while drunk he stated that he can't wait to I meet someone who actually appreciates me. Now Idk what that actually means I haven't brought it up as I hate confrontation. But while he was sober he stated that when everybody realises that he only cares about 1 person and that's himself the better. I've taken that as though he doesn't care about me, all thoughts are going through my head, is he loosing interest? Is there someone else? If I try and sit him down and talk about these issues he turns nasty and tells me he doesnt have to deal with this s**t. I really don't want to give up again because if I do it will be the last time, idk what to do like do I withdraw myself completely? Or do I tell him that we are talking about this because it's driving me nuts. He makes me feel so small in this relationship I have no control. When it comes to the weekends I don't know what we are doing but if I know him he will be out clubbing with his friends. I hate this as he doesn't go home or doesn't contact me atal and is the reason we broke up in the first place. Any ideas or tips on what to do or what to say will be great. Thank you!!

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 22/08/2018 14:19

"Bye" works.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/08/2018 14:29

I really don't want to give up again
WTF not!???
It's not working for you.
He makes you feel like shit.
He makes you feel small.
You have no control over your own life.
Why oh why oh why are you putting up with this shite!?
I'm assuming you are very young?
I hope so anyway.

Please get in touch with Womens Aid and ask about their Freedom Programme. Do it ASAP.

Read through this thread HERE

Google 'narcissists' and 'narcissistic personality disorder' and dump this fucking loser immediately!
YOU deserve far better than the scraps this knob-head is offering you.
So pick your self-respect up off of the floor.
We do NOT need a man to complete us.
We are all very capable women who not NEED a man - end of.
Now get out there and find yourself.

RavenLG · 22/08/2018 14:34

Hrs treating you like shit so you’ll break up with him, he can play the victim and not feel guilty.
Get rid of this moron, you deserve better.

RatRolyPoly · 22/08/2018 14:43

Oh I'm sorry OP. Him making vague comments about only caring about himself is him trying to tell you you will never be his priority. He has to want you to be, and I'm afraid he's just not feeling it. He wants you to meet someone else so he doesn't have to squirm on this fishhook trying to let you down gently. Because he will let you down. He's never going to give you what you want - not for very long, anyway.

Best you be the strong one, grab a hold of your self-esteem and go looking for someone who wants to put you first. Someone who does it without you even asking. That's what you deserve.

nuala098 · 22/08/2018 14:49

Thank you everyone I was expecting this response it's trying to find the strength to do it.

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 22/08/2018 14:56

Oh I know, it's so tough. But just think, you could meet that man tomorrow - the man who puts you first. And if you're still hanging on to someone who's only wasting your time then that opportunity might pass you by! Because good men, they don't want drama with girls in messy situations. They want strong, independent girls who hold out for what they want in life because they know they deserve it!

So get yourself out of this, because every day might be the day that good man walks into your life, and you want to be ready for to grab him with both hands, right?

IcePlease · 22/08/2018 15:06

This sounds EXACTLY like my ex. We were together and breaking up for the same reasons for four and a half years before I eventually found the strength to just walk away completely. Every time we broke up he acted so loving and would say he realised I was a priority then within a few weeks we would be back to him being the pub all weekend and not being home when he said and hardly ever seeing me. He would also play the ‘I’m not good enough card’ and say I deserved better when I said about it or was upset.
In all honesty you are better off just walking away now, it will continue in the same cycle but I know it’s easier said than done.

I hope you manage it and can walk away soon, I’m so much happier now and my ex is still the same now from what I’ve heard and it’s been over 2 years . Some people just aren’t mature enough for a relationship and are too selfish to see the damage that they are causing to others by trying to be in one.

Wish you all the best Flowers

nuala098 · 22/08/2018 15:21

Thank you's all so much ❤️

OP posts:
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