Drama...

[simbeau]

Hello everyone,

I guess I’m on here to cleanse my conscience. I used to believe I was a good, kind person. But I’m not so sure now.

I got divorced 2 years ago from somebody who was the love of my life (I was not theirs, that’s why it ended.)

After the divorce, I made some new friends. One of them being a gay woman. She has made it very clear she has feelings for me and wants to pursue a relationship with me. Not long after I met her, I started a relationship with somebody who turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive to me. I’m still on and off with this person, but that’s a different story.

The gay girl, I’ve told her I’m only interested in friendship, but she is relentless. Because I’m it of work at the moment and don’t have much money (I see a psychologist and am trying to work through my issues), this gay woman spoils me rotten. She gives me gifts, money. And it’s substantial gifts and money, at that.

I speak to her everyday and I’ve come to emotionally rely on her as a friend. She is incredibly nice to me. But I’m just not that way, I don’t find her attractive. I’ve considered trying it but I cringe and feel sick at the thought of being intimate with her. She’s tried to kiss me on several occasions but I’ve told her only on the cheek. She holds my hand when I’m with her and I’m uncomfortable.

The problem is, I’ve been accepting these gifts and even relying on her for financial support. I think this counts as leading her on. I’ve allowed her to spoil me because I’m a materialist person (I know that’s not nice but I’m being honest.)

And now I feel like she thinks I owe her a relationship. I feel very pressured. And now that I’m ‘off again’ with my abusive partner, this woman thinks it’s her turn.... and I try to let her down gently whilst hoping she will still support m financially and spoil me with gifts.

I feel awful but I just can’t help it. I genuinely can’t imagine anybody I’d want to be with less than her. She has a heart of gold but I can’t change my sexuality anymore than she can. I really, really don’t want to have to go there with her.

What should I do? She’d be very hurt and angry if I just left her life. And I’d struggle to pay my bills. It’s a mess.

You need to tell her that you're straight and you will never be more than friends with her .

Stop accepting money and gifts from her to start off with. Can you repay her the money? Surely she understands you are straight and you cant just switch your sexuality, she's being very pushy.

Honestly?

I'd cut ties with both of them and steer clear of any emotional entanglements until you've done some serious therapy.

I struggle to make ends meet as it is, and she knows that. Everything she’s given me, including money, has been a gift. So I can’t repay her, financially, or any other way :(

I’ve told her I’m straight and she gets angry at me and says I haven’t even given her a chance.

I’m receiving a lot of psychological support for my issues. I had a nervous breakdown after my divorce and I’m a very ill woman. I’m definitely very vulnerable and it’s obvious to everybody.

But I think accepting all of this has been really wrong of me, but I couldn’t resist because I’m sort of addicted to material items, which she knows.

My abusive partner took me on holiday last week and beat me black and blue, and then when we got back, he went out with his mates and changed his profile picture on fb to one of him smiling with all his hair styled etc. He’s come crawling back now, but I’m dealing with it with my psychologist.

My breakdown changed me.