Worried about DPs daughter being bullied for being smelly

[PikaPikaTink]

DP has two daughters, the eldest of which is going into secondary school this year. She has always been a bit of a shower dodger which is a running joke which she laughs along with but in the past few months she has shot up in height and is starting to look like beautiful young woman rather than a cute little girl and has unfortunately started to get a bit whiffy. I am worried that she is going get picked on when she starts her new school as she isn’t going with many children that she knows and I know that she has struggled with friendships in the past.

I brought her a basket of stuff for our bathroom, including deodorant, shower gel, bubble bath and sanitary towels just in case (as far I know she doesn’t need them yet but I wanted her to be able to just use them without having to ask if she needs to). I also included things like moisturiser, hair mascara etc. so it wasn’t all about her smelling. She has only used the hair mascara and fun glittery stuff.

I have raised it with DP who will tell her to have a bath when she smells but seems reluctant to tackle the issue of needing to shower before you actually reek, especially before school. I am sure her mum must have noticed but she often smells quite pungent when she arrives and when asked she will cheerfully admit that the last time she had a bath or shower was 2 or 3 days ago.

Does anyone have any experience of this? She is getting a bit old to be chivvied into washing and I am seriously concerned about other children’s reactions to her at her new school. I was bullied myself so maybe I am worrying unduly but children can be very cruel. I don’t want to overstep the mark when really I think her parents should be tackling this but if they don’t she will be the one that suffers. Is she likely naturally grow out of it?

I wish my parents had done this and pushed me to wash when I was that age. I was an absolute stig (I'm talking one or two baths a MONTH with flannel washes the rest of the time, I started my period aged 10 too so was an early developer), and where I might not have been bullied, I have embarrassing memories of stinking and greasy hair you could fry chips off. We had one lesson where we were had put our jumpers in a pile, then our shoes etc and I distinctly remember taking my jumper off and the BO being unbelievable - other kids were talking about it but thankfully no one realised it was me. I remember other kids stinking too who were bullied and to this day are still remembered as Smelly Trevor Oli's Germs *fish fingers etc

I would take a similar approach to Angua’s Aunt. Don’t make it about the fact that she already smells, but about the fact that she’s growing up and now she needs to shower daily etc. (If she doesn’t then respond, then you will need to keep enforcing the message and pointing out that she’s started to smell and she’s left it too long - repetition is key with establishing good habits - she might not like it if you keep saying it, but somewhere along the line it should sink in)

Also is there a reason she doesn’t shower regularly - other than habit/ she doesn’t know she should shower more regularly? At that kind of age I just found showering really boring, I found a shower radio helped to make it seem like less of a chore. I still find baths really boring and only have them if i’ve injured myself.

@sunshine365 no reason that I know of. She just doesn't like it. She'll take a book in the bath sometimes but her dad doesn't like this as she always drops them in. We actually have a shower radio but she doesn't use it. I'll suggest it when she's here tomorrow.

I have dss same age and he's made to shower every day. I had the conversation with him just the other day - I just said just bare in mind I know you think we nag about showers etc. but people get picked on for it at school you need to shower daily and use deodorant it doesn't take long etc. no awkwardness. I would just tell her yourself if you have a close relationship as it seems you do