Ever ended a relationship you wanted to be in?

[somepeoplehaha]

Hi,

I'm thinking of planning to end my relationship today. I do want to be in the relationship, but it feels like the wrong time. I'm not who I want to be, my health is deteriorating and I don't feel great. My partner also isn't the same person I fell for at the moment, his personality is changing. I think we need space and time apart and this is the only way to do it.

I keep feeling like he's regretting being with me and wants to be with one of his ex's. Obviously don't know this for sure but they're regularly brought up by him, his friends etc and I don't really find it appropriate. He thinks I'm paranoid (with every right to be in my eyes when he talks about his ex's) I aren't the figure of perfection and I know he wants more than I can give him. I love him but feel like nows the time to finish before it goes too far? I need to feel myself again! I'm a shadow of the person I used to be and feel like I've had all the fun sucked out of me.

We do have a good relationship most of the time, but I'm starting to feel miserable about the relationship (not for any particular reason). My feelings have changed. Space will do me good I know for certain. Think I just want to end it to have space, me get back to normal and then if we end up back together we end up back together and if not, it wasn't meant to be us.

Living in the shadow of an ex must be painful. What real evidence do you have he wants to be with her? If you believe he dies, leave. You are worth far more.

Does*

@inshockrightnow I don't have any evidence he wants to be with her, the only thing is that he saved a load of old pictures onto his phone of them in places they've been. No evidence that he wants to be with her and he has said he doesn't want to.

I just think giving our relationship a break will do me some good, it'll make me feel happier (I think) and it'll give him the opportunity to go to whoever he wants that way I aren't stuck with someone who doesn't want me. I don't really think he would go to her but I feel I need the break for me to get back to myself. I just aren't happy with him or myself right now but finding it really hard to tell him. I keep being distant but not distant enough.

You do sound all over the place. Ive been in a similar situation, i think we all have at some point.
Staying single while working on becoming the best possible version of your self is wise. Sometimes we just need to work on our own mind and life before inviting someone else in.
My only advice.....
if thats how you really feel then yes end it and do your thing. However if you are going to end it for another reason, for example to push him into begging you not to, to declare undying love, to reassure you about his ex or to see if he goes back to his ex then you could be playing a dangerous game.

@ALittleBitConfused1 thank you for the advice, I would be doing it for the right reasons, to help myself. I just don't feel great at the moment and don't think being in this situation is helping. I aren't expecting him to confess any love for me or beg me not to end it, I'm at the point where I want to end it and I aren't wanting him to say anything like that. I know him getting back with his ex could hurt me, he probably wouldn't even get back with her due to why they ended anyhow but always a possibility, but if that did happen then so be it. I'd rather it happen now than later down the line. I don't think the ex situation is the issue with our relationship either, it's more about me feeling how I feel lately. Down, miserable, don't want to spend time with him, don't really want to talk to him on the phone either, always on edge feeling like I say and do the wrong thing all the time. I need to be free from that feeling.

I have been in the similar sort of situation as you recently, and its not a nice feeling so I am feeling for you. I have had it recently on holiday which the in-laws go on every year and I have managed to avoid it until this year and then each day, there was some sort of comparison to when my partner was there with his ex, the business they had together, what went wrong in their relationship - right in front of me or in ear shot.
I am not a drama queen and didn't speak up for myself to interrupt however, I didn't really appreciate it and tried to speak to my partner and just say that I am not particularly liking our relationship being compared to his with his ex each and every day.
He did understand and I said I really don't mind it as I'm not turning psycho over it but I didn't enjoy it being batted around in front of 15 people each night and my daughter who absolutely adores him, that's all.

I would say, that if you are not feeling yourself and you have tried speaking to him then you need some space out and try and find yourself again. It's horrible to "loose" yourself over things in a relationship and then if he's still not understanding then you just need to state facts and see where things lead.

@MilaIsobella did you end up staying with him? My dps family never bring her up or compare me, but it's him that says stuff. We can't even go one place without him saying oh this reminds me of when me and ex did this and we did that... it gets extremely irritating, I now just roll my eyes and ignore the remainder of his story as I'm tired of hearing it. We never create 'new' memories as everything just reminds him of an ex. I'm tired of it all. And I don't feel like I'm being myself anymore, I don't know if it's the relationship doing it to me or if I'm just not doing all the things I used to which kept me happy.

I haven't spoken to him about any of it yet, not told him how I feel or mentioned that it all bothers me. Last time I mentioned something about him speaking about his ex he just said he couldn't help telling me as it's all experiences that make him laugh or something like that...

Somethings that weren't good about his ex or the way she acted etc he told me ages ago, recently he mentioned those same things about me so I know I'm in the wrong place at the moment. As they were all things he didn't like. And now I'm that person by the sounds of things. Or im just reading too much into it.

He's incredibly insensitive, reliving memories with his current partner. What the actual....

I don't know how you have stuck it so long!

We can't even go one place without him saying oh this reminds me of when me and ex did this and we did that...

I have little patience or tolerance for this. I'd have ended it after about 3 times of him saying it.

@somepeoplehaha Yes I am still with him and he hasn't really mentioned her that much apart from he's thinking of closing the business he owns that she still work for, His parents don't really mention his ex too much to me, unless its to do with the business.
I would never mention my ex unless he asks something about him, but he just brings things up all the time wherever we go (even if its starbucks!) but our recent holiday was something else and it was getting on my wick! not only that but my daughter noticed (she's 5!) and kept asking who this woman was.
I ended up blurting out when we got home that I know he doesn't mean it in any malicious way or means to piss me off but it really grated on me and every conversation which mentioned her or every restaurant that they had been to and had a crappy meal, just became an "eye-roll" subject.
I think its insensitive and your partner wouldn't like it if it was role reversal.

@MilaIsobella at least it's a rare subject in your case.

I have said the same to him before and said he wouldn't like it if I were to mention my ex and everything we did and he said you don't mention your ex or anything you've done because you didn't do anything, no life experience with him.. :-/ so that's a loosing battle in my case

Oh tell him to bugger off, OP. You'll feel like a new woman once you've dumped him.