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Original poster

Do I keep trying ? 27 weeks pregnant also.

16 replies

Cakery · 21/08/2018 21:27

So long story short.
With current partner a year
I’m 27 weeks pregnant
I have a 3 year old with ex
We’ve recently moved in to a new house
Current ( ish) partner just started a new job

We have been bickering a lot and basically he’s had enough and last Sunday he left. He has been round once since to talk to me. I laid my cards on the table and told him how I felt - how desperately I want this to work and how I think he should try. He said he needed more time to think.
Today he is saying the same- I suggested building our friendship back and spending time together and working on it- he seemed open to this but hasn’t said much else. He said he wanted time to miss me but feels like it hasn’t come.
So basically what do I do

  • keep trying, being nice, trying to convince him to try
  • leave it ?

I know how much he will miss out on if he walks away but how can I make him realise ?
Also I know that theres no one else involved he isnt like that
We’re both 25, I suggested maybe doing something this weekend for s couple hours but he said he is out for his friends birthday

OP posts:
Original poster
Cakery · 22/08/2018 07:36

Anyone ? :(

OP posts:
Nevermindhey · 22/08/2018 07:41

You have already told him you ‘desperately want it to work.’ I don’t see what more you can do.

I would personally back right off, completely cool it and act as if you will be on your own. He is being very disrespectful towards you. You are either in a relationship or not. He can’t just leave until he misses you. What is that about?

If he wasn’t around and you knew you were going to be a single parent, would that affect your decision to have your baby?

Nevermindhey · 22/08/2018 07:45

Sorry just seen you are 27 weeks. He is being a complete arse. Do you have anyone who can support you as you can’t rely on him?

MerryMarigold · 22/08/2018 07:52

I suggest you keep communication open, but don't beg. It's not a 'try' or 'don't try'. I'd say, I've tried to set something up, now it's your turn to initiate. Don't play games expecting him to figure out it's his turn, or play hard to get. But you can be honest and say I feel like I've been texting so ball is in your court for a bit. It will also help you to let go slowly if this is where it's headed. My hunch is that he's scared of being a Dad and it's all becoming too real. That's up to him to deal with, but you need to protect yourself and your baby. So don't beg or 'fight' to keep him because all that emotion is too much. Concentrate on your little family for now. And if you need money, you will need to tell him what you need. Hopefully he can manage to support you financially, if not emotionally.

faeriequeen · 22/08/2018 08:17

I'm sorry, it doesn't sound hopeful. Is it connected to the pregnancy maybe? It's no excuse, but did he plan a baby so early in your relationship?

Original poster
Cakery · 22/08/2018 08:38

We didn’t plan a baby, but we were realistic when we found out. We discussed options and both decided to go into this. On leaving he’s said he categorically wants to be there for the baby etc etc, I just don’t think he realises what he will miss out on
I don’t want to have to convince him to be witn me but I really wish he would realise

OP posts:
Nevermindhey · 22/08/2018 08:47

Sadly he does realise and doesn’t want to commit to it.

sittingonacornflake · 22/08/2018 08:51

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation OP.

I am currently going through a break up and I have a baby so can completely appreciate how you are feeling.

I agree with pp that you've done all you can. You've told him you want this to work and he has chosen to leave. I know it's hard (I'm in the same boat) but I think you've just got to try to move on without him. If he comes back of his own accord then great you can see how you feel about it then but for your own sanity you need to find your own happiness now.

Best of luck to you OP Thanks

OutPinked · 22/08/2018 09:20

I have a friend who is slightly younger than you and absolutely desperate for a baby to an extent she is having unprotected sex with a guy she just met.

She isn’t my biggest fan atm because I warned her of the pitfalls of rushing into a relationship head first like this. You were together a few months when you got pregnant so really, you had no idea who this guy even was or vice versa. I don’t wish to sound harsh at all, just as I didn’t do my friend, but lust can make us all incredibly ignorant and naive. You obviously thought the baby was a good idea at the time and there’s no turning back now but the honeymoon period rapidly disappeared and you are only now discovering his true colours.

I’m afraid to say, this relationship may not last and you will once again find yourself a single parent but of two young children. He is clearly having cold feet. I hope for your sake he comes around to the idea but currently, he seems scared of the commitment he has made to you and is frantically trying to escape.

Original poster
Cakery · 22/08/2018 10:19

I don’t think it’s a case of not knowing him, we have been great friends for 10 + years, we have been in a serious relationship for a year. I don’t know if he is scared- but I don’t think he’s the type to shy away from responsibilities I know he will always be there for the baby.
I just i was unsure wether to should try sort this as he could jusy be having a wobble or if I should try to let it go

OP posts:
NadiaLeon · 22/08/2018 10:37

Give it time...back off and let him make his mind up. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean he has to be with you. If you're both unhappy you may as well separate now. Why wait until the stress of an infant starts to rock the foundations even more?

Original poster
Cakery · 22/08/2018 10:45

Yeah I guess so. I don’t think we’re actually unhappy though I thinn we had a crap week of petty bickers and he’s gone back to his mums and enjoying the freedom. I think if he came home he would realise I just don’t know how to get through to him

OP posts:
Original poster
Cakery · 22/08/2018 11:53

The other thing is he has my car.. we’ve recently got a new one. Both are in my name I’m paying for both and he transfers me money monthly - do I leave this for now ?

OP posts:
Musti · 22/08/2018 11:59

Have you been hormonal? I know I changed in personality when I was pregnant and wasn't very nice to my ex.

hellsbellsmelons · 22/08/2018 12:00

Also I know that theres no one else involved he isnt like that
Yep.... we all say that.
But that is beside the point.
For now leave him to it.
He hasn't understood the loss of you yet because you've not given him the chance to 'miss you'.

Tell him you need some space and time to really think about what YOU want for your future and that you will be going no contact for the foreseeable future.
You will be in touch when you are ready to talk.
Just give yourself some headspace.
He's messing with you big time.
Time to take back control of your life and not wait around for HIM to decide what he wants.
Back off and see what happens.

faeriequeen · 22/08/2018 20:07

That must be so hard. Big hug to you op. I'd second leaving him to it, but I'm not sure he deserves you!

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