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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I lob a grenade into this situation?

18 replies

Snnooooze · 21/08/2018 20:23

Name changed just in case.

I'm very low contact with step parents. Both my bio parents died when I was very young. Its complicated.

As a young, orphaned child I was subjected to emotional abuse and neglect with no one to turn to. I have recently accepted this was the case.

I have gone very low contact with them after the birth of my son as I did not want them to treat him like they treated me. I answer the phone to them and am pleasant but cold. But every time they contact me my heart sinks and it takes a lot to be civil.
I am definitely in the FOG stage but want to escape. They act as though they are the perfect parents and grandparents to everyone, but behind closed doors, they treat me horribly.

Stepmother spreads gossip and lies about me. They live about 4 hrs away but visited the village I live in without telling me or arranging to pop in. They told me they were going to give me an early inheritance to help with a house deposit, to the point where they told me the cheque was in the post. Then told me they never said this and they had no money.
They slag off my (dead) birth mother and treat younger stepsiblings like golden children.

I've drafted a message with the intention of saying exactly what I think of them and then immediately blocking all forms of contact. But I'm worried it's not the right thing to do.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 21/08/2018 20:31

It's a bit provocative. You could find it all backfires. I wouldn't contact them at all. I would stay lc, and just not contact them or answer the phone to them.

Whisky2014 · 21/08/2018 20:32

I want to say "do it" but i think they will show everyone and use it to justify treating you badly.
Can you just go NC and block wothout saying anything?

MrsExpo · 21/08/2018 20:34

Why write to them? I think I'd just go fully NC with them, especially as they live so far away. Just block numbers, don't reply to other forms of communication and get on with your life.

Aussiebean · 21/08/2018 20:36

Nah. I would just go NC without sending the letter. You just give them ammunition to beat you with.
Flowers

c3pu · 21/08/2018 20:37

Don't lob the grenade in case they throw it back.

Just shut them out.

Snnooooze · 21/08/2018 20:42

This is what my DP said too. I just kind of really wanted them to know WHY. but I agree this could really backfire.

OP posts:
ThatsWotSheSaid · 21/08/2018 20:49

Start not answering and reduce any contact with the aim to completely cut them out with low drama.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 21/08/2018 20:51

Write the letter the burn it.
Then block them.
Enjoy your dc.

banannabreadforme · 21/08/2018 20:52

I think if you write to them they will show the letter to everyone in the village they were gossiping about you to. I think you should kill them with kindness. Show your not bothered by they're nastiness. They are part of your past

Snnooooze · 21/08/2018 21:14

Thanks so much. This has really cleared my head. I think I will continue to let contact dwindle and not return any calls etc. Hopefully they will get the message.

OP posts:
Bellends · 21/08/2018 21:29

They might just get s thrill out of a letter....going no contact with no further communication from the point YOU decide makes the final decision yours and that will give you closure better than giving them w rope to tug on yet again.

Snnooooze · 27/08/2018 21:24

Ok I tried to follow the advice I was kindly given on here and just reduce contact. I thought it was working but today I received an email from SM asking what was wrong and why I wasn't returning calls. She asked me to email back if I found it hard to talk so I did.
I confronted them about the EA and neglect and told them I did not want contact anymore for the sake of my DS.
I then blocked them but she replied to my DP denying everything and saying I'm crazy and a liar. How can abusers just deny cold hard facts? My DP is a rock and knows what I'm saying is the truth. He's now blocked them too but one of my sister's messages me saying parents have been calling her non stop and what is going on?
I feel relief I finally stood up to them but also concern they will harass me or turn up.

OP posts:
BathroomLights · 27/08/2018 22:10

If they harass you or turn up you call the police. Detach as far as possible and think what advice would you give to a friend who was being harassed? You would say, 'call the police' wouldn't you?

Snnooooze · 27/08/2018 22:22

Yes I would advise to call the police.
I hate that I'm being painted as the mad, bad, crazy one. Its so shit

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 27/08/2018 22:25

They will pressure your sister and others to contact you, just be kind but firm to emissaries and tell them you are non contact now. Good for you.

NameChangedNow · 27/08/2018 22:30

Well done, you spoke your truth Smile now you're freeeeee

Mary1935 · 27/08/2018 22:33

Hi Op - well done - stick to your guns and google “flying monkeys”
I wish you well.

Snnooooze · 27/08/2018 22:42

Thank you all. I do feel huge relief. Will Google flying monkeys...

OP posts:
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