Will try keep this as short as possible, but expecting my 2nd child with my partner, and it will be his first. The whole family situation is new for him and only since new year have we actually started settling down. Not for not wanting to, but it's been a bit of a bumpy road to start with, hes done a few things to knock my trust and confidence, such as cheat and send suggestive texts etc...
Ive been trying my best to work past this as he is trying and has done for the last few months. I've only ever asked for the truth and honesty, just talk to me, and we can work through most things. I'm not one for agreements or shouting, just sit down, talk and find a way forward.
Recently I found out he had been watching porn, hidden away in the bathroom, it did take me by surprise, and with being pregnant and a tad sensitive anyway I worry that he doesn't feel I'm as affectionate, along with feeling insecure, I did feel annoyed when I first found out. I didn't tell him, and thought about it for a couple of days, and thought I'd try keep an open mind, and eventually sat down and said we needed to chat, and asked what he gets up as he's been a bit suggestive with when he disappears in the bathroom for a while. Just suggesting that it wouldn't harm to chat about the subject should he have anything he wanted to share. He did not mention it and just said that I was the only thing he wants or thinks about, whi h obviously I knew as different.
I came out with it straight after awhile and then he went quiet, said he's disgusted with himself and we are barely talking now. I don't know what to say or do, or if I'm just over thinking.
I said to him that it was more the fact he kept it secert and lied blantly to my face that upset me more than anything. He goes around saying how safe he feels and that he's never trusted anyone as much as he has for me, but doesn't get that he's hurting me. I said I would of been more than open about things if he would just talk about it, I know it can embarrassing, I find it difficult to talk about too, but for me a relationship shouldn't have secrets, and you should be able to talk about intimacy things with your partner.
I just seem to of hit a brick wall, everytime I gain a bit of trust back, he knocks it back with something else, I'm just worried that he can lie so easily that I'm never going to feel he's telling me the truth.
So basically I'm just after peoples thoughts, am I asking to much? If I hadn't said anything about the porn it would of eaten me up inside, I tried to keep an open mind and see if he talked about it, and he wouldn't. Am I in the wrong somehow? And why do I feel like I'm never going to be enough for him, whatever I try and do. Don't get me wrong the majority of the time he's brilliant and I get on with him better than a best friend, I've just reached a brick wall in my head and thought I'd see what other people's thoughts were!
Sorry for the very large post.