Stupid drunk text advice

[sunshinelollipopsrainbows]

I have been on 2 dates recently with a guy I've known for years but hadnt seen him for a few years until the dates. There's lots of history I cant be bothered with typing up here.

I separated from my husband 2 months ago & I invited him on dates 1 and 2. Both dates went really well, he texted me after the 2nd saying he really enjoyed it & Im good company. I replied pretty much saying likewise. No discussion from either of us about seeing each other again, though he did mention something about asking a friend from work to get some perfume for me as I was running out. So I guess he'd thought he'd see me again.

Fast forward to the first night of his hol & my bday. He was texting being flirty and we were both really drunk. I text him something along the lines of saying I was worried he'd hurt me (I deleted it so not sure what exactly). He's a commitment phobe so naturally this is a concern.

He got back from hol on Sunday, there's been hardly any contact (which he was also like between dates and running up to the 1st date).

Do I just take it theres no interest now? I dont get men

I think you need more than 2 months apart from your DH, before you contemplate another relationship. But I'm kinda old fashioned that way.

I didnt ask that 😂

Interesting that you think marriages just die overnight though.

He's not super-interested, is he? Leave him to contact you. Men like to do the chasing - another old fashioned view!

Interesting that you think marriages just die overnight though.

So well put. I think there's a general assumption on MN that between relationships one should shroud oneself in black and not speak to a man for a minimum of 6 months. Don't introduce him to your kids until date 1052.

I'd just message and ask him out again, see what he says, take it from there.

Yeah I would think if he was properly interested you would know about it. I think when it’s such hard work (I mean not getting any contact, second guessing if it’s sonething you’ve said etc) he’s just not that into you

And the commitmentphobe thing kind of says it doesn’t it.

Do you want to date someone you know is a commitment phobe? Is it that which made you send the message? I’m sure he doesn’t want to hurt you but two dates in, even if you knew him in the past, is quite full on and he might be feeling it’s a bit intense especially if you’re still married and have a divorce to get through.

If you were looking for a bit of fun then fair enough and enjoy yourself, but saying you’re worried about being hurt elevates it to more than fun and he might be scared off.

Work out what you want and then if he’s someone you can have it with.

As someone who’s been divorced, even though I’d been unhappy for a while before I left and knew it was the right and only thing to do, the actual process was pretty gut wrenching and I was lucky that objectively it was pretty straight forward.

You might find the fun distraction of dating helps you through it or you might find it complicates life too much.

If you really like him, see if he wants to meet up again and just keep it light and see how it goes.

And I used italics because it’s a cheesy phrase not to stress the point! 🙈

Honestly? It doesn’t sound like he’s that interested.

I wouldn’t text again, if he texts you then great but you’ve suggested date 1 and 2. Leave this one to him.

Did he reply to that message? Or not at all since then?

I think this is done and you should delete his number - but I don't think you've lost much. It doesn't seem like he was overly invested at any point.

I never understand people who tell the person they've been seeing for five minutes that they're worried they'll be hurt. Keep it to yourself for crying out loud. It's a cast iron way to put the total dampers on what could be nicely developing relationship and basically hands all the power over to them. I always feel exhausted just reading that "well I sent him message/sat him down for a talk and told him how worried I was I was going to get hurt blah blah blah" so goodness how it must feel in real life to hear it. Telling someone how fragile you are and begging them not to hurt you immediately removes ALL fun from the relationship and makes you seem an intense nightmare.

I never understand people who tell the person they've been seeing for five minutes that they're worried they'll be hurt

He actually said it to me, twice. We've known each other for years and we're really honest with each other. Except now, which is why it's annoying that he's usually honest but can't just be now.

I've seen this so many times. The friend for years which develops romantically then turns into a nightmare. I do think though that when men say that it's often an excuse rather than genuine. I don't think he wants to take it further with you and is being a bit of an idiot about it. Just act as if he told you straight out and realise he's a bit wet and you've had a lucky escape.

After my marriage ended, my first attempt out onto the dating scene really ended up hurting me. I think things were very unresolved from my marriage and I took a lot of baggage with me that only came out when the bloke I had been seeing ended things abruptly. I was very hurt and it was because I was so fragile. It's only been a few months since your marriage ended. Take a break and be kind to yourself.

Thanks. I've deleted him from my contacts now so I wont be speaking to him again. I think he just liked the chase.

Sorry - he's just not that into you - might be too full on for him and and at such pace too, tbh, i would be nervous if someone told me that after 2 dates and barely two months out of a marriage - sorry. I would leave it for him to contact you.

I woke up to a message asking me for a third date this morning. Typical. Ha.