Very low confidence as a result of online dating

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

Hello everyone, my LTR ended about 6 months ago (his choice we just weren't connecting but we remain great friends) since then I've joined a popular dating app (think Tinder) and have made it very clear I my bio that I'm not up for casual dating but more long term. I've spoken to 4 guys on there but never got as far as meeting for the following reasons
Guy 1: great conversation, decided to tell me he was a regular cannabis user and I wouldn't like it....
Guy 2: wasn't putting effort into messaging me and apologised but said he wast into it
Guy 3: same as above but blamed not being good on phone
Guy 4: 2 days before scheduled date he came to the realisation he is not looking for a relationship...

What on earth am I doing wrong mumsnetters. I'm mid 20's, described as attractive by people as have a good job and pride myself on being nice to people. I just want to meet the right person and build a future :(

Any advice for a desperately low and self conscious person?

I know of a few people (myself included) who had more success on online dating when they stopped taking it so seriously.

When I first became single, I was really picky about who I even spoke to and got far too invested too soon. If I went on a date and liked the guy, I stopped talking to other people because I 'couldn't do multiple dating'! Result: very disappointing, small pond. Lots of knocks.

But then a bit of luck came my way and I suppose i put my new found cynacism to good use. Two of my close friends became single at around the same time and we decided to all get back online together, mainly for a laugh. Before I'd painstakingly created my dating profile, but this time I just threw it up and wrote something quite funny.

Sounds awful but we had a great time drinking wine, looking through all the profiles, going on as many dates as we could and telling dating stories.
We replied to people we wouldnt usually reply to, if it seemed like it might be an amusing conversation. We said yes to more dates. We encouraged each other to keep dating more people. If someone didnt message back, we didnt really care. If someone was a bit dubious they were cast aside immediately without a second thought and then thoroughly trashed on our next get together. It helped we were having a fun social life at the same time.

I'm not suggesting everyone needs to do what we did. Or is in the position to. We probably sound really silly to a lot of people. But for me it brought out the right outlook to have a good time online dating.

I met DP two months in. I got a lot of stick from my friends for ruining the fun! I've been with him nearly 4 years now.

Friend 1 met someone on a charity run a few weeks later and they now have a baby. Friend 2 met someone around the same time who turned out to be a dick but then she got with someone else who she's now engaged to.

I like to think our online dating bootcamp made us savvy daters! Oh and none of us spent a penny. We used free sites and apps. Most of the people on the paid sites were on them anyway. So my mate said.

Similar experience here OP. One date is all I've had from months of being on various sites. That didn't even go to a second.

I'd avoid paid sites.... Waste of money and most of the people on them, you'll come across elsewhere anyway. I'm rapidly losing the will with it. I've messaged so many guys but hardly any reply. I'm not that physically attractive so just don't get much interest. Its doing nothing for my self confidence and think it's probably best I give it a break for now..

I agree with Ravensmum
If you walked into a pub your chances of meeting your perfect partner are slim.
However, if you keeping going or go to other pubs your chances increase.

I know lots of couples who met on line.
treat it as fun and keep chatting to lots of people.
In my experience the paid sites are no better.
The ones where you give lots of detail about yourself were best.

Also don't be afraid to initiate conversation !

OP contrary to what others say, I think you need to work on your self esteem and confidence before embarking on more dating. Meeting more and more people might just mean more and more rejections. You need to not tie your self worth to what people do. OLD is full of nutters and you better prepare yourself to not take anything personally, but just move on to the next one without a second thought.

OLD is like walking into any random pub and going up to every man in it and starting a conversation. You wouldn't expect to find that any of the men in the pub was a potential boyfriend, would you?

hahaha this is a great way if thinking of it !!