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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My life is a mess & it's my fault

8 replies

Slicedredpeppers · 21/08/2018 14:06

Me and my current partner jumped into the relationship too fast. Moved in by month 3 (I know). Anyway, we are 3 years in and were both still in the relationship just for habit it seems.

I love him as a person but not as a romantic partner. He loves me. We don't get on very often. I think in his heart he knows we aren't right for each other. He moved miles and miles to be with me, started a new life here. He has no family or friends.

I'm currently financially dependent on him due to a car accident which has left me with long life medical issues. Before that I worked but wasn't well off, no savings, lived day to day.

When he wants to make love I cringe, when he wants a kiss, I can feel an emptiness inside of me, I'm not affectionate the majority of the time and we need to part but I'm stuck! He does work but doesn't make enough for a deposit and a month's rent up front. I'm dependant on him for help and money which is absolutely awful I know but it is what it is.

Anybody else stayed in a relationship waisting your life away knowing you have no future just to provide a roof over your head? It easier for people to say "Oh just leave", there will be people here who know how hard it is. Could anybody come up with a plan for me or something? I'm miserable and it's my own fault ☹️

OP posts:
Slicedredpeppers · 21/08/2018 14:07

Also, I'm scared to break his heart** very!

OP posts:
magoria · 21/08/2018 14:15

Poor bloody guy.

Please break his heart sooner rather than later so he can start healing and move on to a relationship where he is loved and desired.

Perhaps he can stay with friends/family to get his deposit.

Look into what help and support is available to you as a single person. Once you know that you can make plans not to be dependent on him.

knicksfan · 21/08/2018 14:21

I also have a lifelong disability due to a car accident.
When I lived with my ex and I wasn't happy I used to wonder how I would cope by myself but you will and there are plenty of resources to help you make that move.

Speak to wired and the cab.

knicksfan · 21/08/2018 14:21

Also i know you are focusing on your feelings but you are wasting his life by prolonging this. You need to be honest with him ASAP

Slicedredpeppers · 22/08/2018 05:19

Your all absolutely right, I know. Thank you

OP posts:
category12 · 22/08/2018 06:05

You must be entitled to some benefits and support in your situation. Check the online calculators to find out and talk to social services. Are you due any compensation for what happened?

He's an adult, he can look for a house-share or bedsit etc. People get over break-ups all the time.

Slicedredpeppers · 22/08/2018 08:08

I tried applying for benefits and was rejected, they lied. I am currently fighting the decision.

I understand and I know it's just hard.

OP posts:
NadiaLeon · 22/08/2018 08:32

You either accept the misery or take action.
Change can be scary. Ask others (in real life) for help. While he is not perfect, no-one is. Good luck whatever you decide.

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