Becoming single mum

[user1485859001]

Iv asked on here For advice on the past. I need info please. Iv tried calling info lines before but can never get through or cant get the help I need.

I want to get away from my partner or at least have all the facts.

We have a joint mortgage. Have a 2 and a half year old. Iv gone to stay with my mum with the lo for a few days just to get away. Now he’s demanding I go back next Monday. We have arranged when he will see the lo for the next week until things calm down and I get more info. He is already trying to make changes to those plans. He can be a bit controlling and emotionally abusing. This is part of the reason I can’t see us together anymore.

I would never stop our lo from seeing him. He’s a good dad.

What id like to know is what rights do I have. There is no reason that either of us would have access over the other. No drugs or physical abuse.
He hasn’t said it this time but in the past he said he will have her full time as he earns the most money ans can work from home.
He’s now saying he wants to buy the house off me. I can’t afford to buy it off him. But then where will I live. Also this will take time so renting in between won’t be an option.
I could stay at my mum temp but not long term. He doesn’t agree to this as he’s saying it’s not out lo home and that she needs to go back. I understand what he means but I can’t go back there with him there. He won’t move out (but I couldn’t afford to pay the whole mortgage anyway as I only work part time).
I don’t want to go back next week but he’s constantly texting me saying I have to.

If looked into a solicitor but it’s £100 an hour.
He pays the mortgage and the bills. I pay for the food and stuff for me and our lo and some house furnishing etc.
Sorry iv prob missed loads and waffling but trying to get as much info in as I can.

Phone tax credits and open a new claim.
‭0345 300 3900‬

You are now a single mum. Don't go back to him. Even if you have to live on occasion in the house with him, as long as you're separated, not a couple then you qualify for benefits.

There's a website called entitled to. Go through that to see what you might get in benefits.

Please make an appointment with a solicitor. You are getting so much advice but sound confused and I think it would be money well spent, to get specific advice for your unique situation.

To address two things he is telling you:

1. You can work as many hours as you need to and still be main carer to your lo. He cannot take her from you or insist on 50/50.

1. You are jointly responsible for the mortgage. If the payments fall behind, you are both chased and penalised. Is he likely to stop paying and negatively impact his credit score, potentially lose the house? I doubt it, it is just another financial threat.

Open a Tax Credits claim and make an appointment with the Benefits Agency today, to make sure you are getting all the help you can get. Look into increasing your working hours if you need to. Stay with your mum until you are on your feet.

Iv spoken to women’s aid. They have given me more contact details and given me a bit of advice and also told me to get an injunction against him. I don’t think I will go this route yet.

That’s true about the mortgage repayments. He wouldn’t want to fall behind as money is more important to him that anything.

Iv decided I will defo stay with mum until I’m a bit clearer.

Have looked at the benefits thing but it’s all a bit confusing. I will look further into it. Thank you all so much for your help. It’s teally helped me feel like I’m not alone with all your replied and made me feel a lot calmer.

The other thing is if he wants contact with lo, tell him he will have to do the transport picking her up and dropping her off (unless YOU want to, of course).

I didn’t mind today but he doesn’t get home till around 7 so I wanted to make sure she was all ready for bed and keeping her in as much of a routine as I can.
He’s been messaging me since harassing me and just done a group message to our parents saying her proposes a meeting and how she needs consistency so we
All need to agree together. I’m her mum. I’m not tryin to be unreadable. All this is getting to me. It’s just the way he speaks like he’s superior and he’s looking out for her best interest )as if I’m not)
Also when I left he wanted to see what I took In the bags. I said he was controlling and he just said wow r u gonna spin that card.

Don't you dare allow him to put you under any pressure. This is difficult as it is and you need to put yourself and dc first. When you are ready then you can think about serious talks etc.

Glad you got cracking and made some calls. You have more on your sidentjan you think.

Xx

Side than

So iv made a few calls and told mediation wouldn't be appropriate right now or going to court. That I can't get one type of injunction ( I didn't want that anyway) but I could poss get one where if he doesn't stick to arrangements I could call the police. They have just said that we need to sort out who sees her when but this is what I'm stuck on. I no he won't agree with me. I'm happy for him to see er one day after work during the week. But he doesn't finish till 7 so not really suitable u less he finishes earlier. I don't want him having her over night in the week. I'm happy if he has her say fri eve till sat eve. Am I being reasonable?

Sorry that he is being an arse. You have every right to suggest what is best for dc and yourself as her main carer. If he finishes at at 7pm he will have little choice but to take the weekend offer unless he arranges to finish early which I very much doubt.

Thank u. I stumbled apon this thread. I never knew abt legal aid for abusive an controlling behaviour xx i have harrssment orders on both my ex an his wife. X this may help me thank u xx

I hope it does help you. Iv found just knowing people are there really helps.