Advice

[Mammy2ThreeBoys]

Hi, just looking for a bit of advice or to see if I have over reacted. so me and my partner was out this weekend and i was stood talking to another lady, he was in between us and he either did, or went to put his arm around her. I can’t actually remember. Anyways I obviously got mad at him and he didn’t get why, was apparently just being friendly and giving advice. I was like u don’t touch other women and he was like ok you’ve gotta tell me, we have to communicate etc (he was drunk). So later on we went into a pub just me and him when I noticed he was looking at 2 woman dancing on the dance floor (behind me, in front of him) I got mad again. Again he didn’t see the problem said he was just looking. He said what do u expect me to do when there’s a lady shaking her bum in front door of me I said angrily LOOK AWAY! I told him I couldn’t cope with stuff like that and won’t put up with it, we’ve been together 7years and have 3 kids together. I told him I want somebody who doesn’t feel the need to look at other woman and he said I’d never find anyone like that! I said I don’t even notice other men, nobody else interests me so I don’t get why he feels the need to! Anyway he was saying I’ve made him feel bad and I’m like excuse me this isn’t on me! And he wanted to go home. I said would you like it if i was sat with you staring at other men? He said he wouldn’t mind as he knew I’d be going home to him. So apparently it’s ok he looks as he still comes home to me? What’s that supposed to mean? What do u think ladies. Don’t think I can trust him in drink as he’s totally not like this usually and apart from these incidents everything else is fine. How am I meant to trust him to go out with his single friend

After 7 years and three children, and you had both been drinking, I think you may have over reacted a little.

Unless you have specific reason to distrust him, it may just have been the drink talking....

Only you know your boundaries but you do sound quite strict.

Watching women dancing doesn’t mean anything surely. Surely touching another woman in a friendly wsy is ok?

Why do you think you feel so insecure. You need to address that.

Whether you can trust him is one issue. Whether you can respect a man who, drink or not, paws and oggles women is another.

It seems a little controlling, I can't imagine what it would be like to be with someone watching my every move, telling me off like a child for looking at people dancing, being tactile when they've had a few drinks. But then maybe he's done something to create this insecurity in you?

Just blindfold him.

Saggital

Yeah probably over reacted then. But he was sat staring. Like looking past me and staring at others I just find was disrespectful

I wouldn’t say controlling. I don’t think it’s ok to put ur arm round another woman. He doesn’t even know her. She was talking to me

He left me for someone else when I was pregnant with my first son but that was 6 year ago and we where only teenagers

you trust your instincts.

So you definitely have cause for concern then, as he's cheated on you, left you for someone else.

No I don't think putting your arm around someone when you've had a fair bit to drink is an issue but that is me. If it bothers you, and that is understandable after what he's put you through before, then he needs to take your feelings in to consideration. But be careful you don't push him too hard.

But I asked him if he’d like it if I put my arm around the other male present and he said ok no. So I just said don’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to do

I won’t be mentioning it no more to him. I made it clear that I didn’t like it so it’s up to him. Ive never brought it back up after it happened. Yes I think I’m a bit insecure from what happened 6 year ago

You both sound awful.

He treated you like shit when you were pregnant.

You seem to think that you can argue someone into being the person you wish they were.

Would it not be better to be with someone who you don't have to shout at? Seriously though... You can shout someone into being a completely different person. You already know what he's like. Choose him, or choose to move on from him, you can't change him.

You are coming across as quite controlling!
Imo your Dp hasn't done anything wrong. Do you want him to not look at half of the population?

No I think it’s fine to look. But to sit and stare is disrespectful, to me anyway

Not at all donkey.
Like I said I’ve not brought it back up after it happened. I made it clear what I thought and it’s never been mentioned after that night. I’m awful? Alrighty then!

Op, no it's not normal to put his arm around another woman in front of you and no it's not ok to sit staring at girls bums while their dancing and you sat there right in front of him.
Wtf is wrong with pp that their standards are set so low?
You've told him now so he knows it's rightly unacceptable to you and if he continues shit like this you will have to consider if you want to continue with a man who blatantly disrespects your feelings.

I think there's a very thin line.
Yes, some people become more relaxed/friendly after a few drinks but he maybe never consciously gave it a second thought. However, I think I would also find it disrespectful given his past behaviour.
If that hadn't have happened in the past then you would have no reason to distrust him and maybe you wouldnt see anything in it but there may be some unconscious worry that he is going to do something like that again.
Yes, he will feed you the line that all men look and that he wasn't doing anything wrong but if it makes you uncomfortable he should respect that and stop leering!

Sorry Mammy2!
If he is leering then it is not ok!
Disrespectful arse!

Overreacting and controlling

So when he's out, he's only ever allowed to look at you????
Wow - you can't control where he looks. That's madness.