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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I broke up with him

8 replies

JodiPicoult · 20/08/2018 21:27

Hi,

I'm 28 and I've known this guy since we were 8 years old. We started seeing each other around 16 and then broke up at 18. And again started seeing each other from 20 years old up until 2 weeks ago. We were each others firsts for everything. The relationship was lovely but in the last year, things have gotten really tough.

I finally decided to let me family know that we were planning on getting married and the reaction was far from positive from. Despite all the negativity I received, I stuck by him and said no we will still get married. But then his behaviour started changing and he would get mad if I spoke to my parents, hung out with my family or if I did anything for them.

He said that it's either going to be me you pick for the rest of your lives and abandon them or you chose them and I'm out.

Obviously, I said I'm sorry but my family are everything to me. They have raised me and made me into the person I am today. Yeah they do have the wrong idea about you but we can work on that together as a couple. We've gotten through so much and we can handle this together too. But he wasn't having it and stopped contacting me for 2 weeks.

He called me today as if nothing had happened between us. And then later on send a message and said; what's your final decision. So I called it quits with him and told him not to contact me again and that I had had enough of his childish games.

The majority of the relationship has been lovely but most of the time, it's been words and no action. For example we dreamed of owning a cottage and moving in and doing this and that but I see no action from his end. I'm slaving away and working two jobs and he does a shift here and there when he feels like it.

In the past 6 months he's accused me of 'being like other girls (gold-diger!)' just because I said 'oh it would be lovely to have a countryside wedding with all our family and friends'. If you had asked me 4 years ago, I would have wanted no wedding but now that I do - I'm suddenly like the rest haha!!

Have I made the right decision or will I truly regret this later on in life :(

Even my feelings have calmed down in the last 6 months. And I often told him this; that I didn't feel the same way about him because of the way he was treating me. But he never did anything about it.

OP posts:
JodiPicoult · 20/08/2018 21:31

Thank God we don't have a child or anything like that to tie us together.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/08/2018 21:36

You did the right thing. There must be a good reason your family didn't like him. They saw through him...thats why he wants you to cut them off.

Great decision.

Anotheridiot · 20/08/2018 21:36

Sounds like the right decision to me. Well done for being strong, his behaviour would have only escalated once he saw what you let him get away with.

Onwards and upwards!!

NadiaLeon · 20/08/2018 21:50

Only time will tell. Some people have one awful partner after another....

Anniegetyourgun · 20/08/2018 21:54

Hmm... one of you is working more than full time, and looking forward to spending some of the earnings on a nice wedding. The other one works occasionally and expects the first one to fund their dream cottage. Remind me again, which one is supposed to be the gold-digger?

JodiPicoult · 20/08/2018 21:58

Anniegetyourgun

This is what my parents argued. They said he is a lazy good for nothing boy who expects to live in luxury whilst you work your bottom off. I have worked 50+ hours a week for the past year! I think he has something like £500 in savings and I have well over 15k saved up as a deposit for a house or something alike. And all I said was that a wedding would be nice...

OP posts:
thismummydrinksgin · 20/08/2018 22:07

Good for you, you got out before any children were involved. He's in the prime of his life. You shouldn't feel like this. Keep looking for Mr right who is your equivalent and you will get your cottage and a life you deserve. Please don't settle when you don't have to xxx

PolkaHots · 20/08/2018 22:19

Of course you won’t regret it, don’t be daft!

I have never in my life, heard a decent, intelligent, respectful man talk about gold diggers. Not once.

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