Is it me?

[NewStartNow]

Partner of 21 months. We don't live together. I had a miscarriage end of june. Unplanned but, after discussion, much wanted pregnancy. On the day of miscarriage I called him in tears to say I thought I was losing the baby. I then didn't hear from him until 9pm and he didn't come to see me. I was upset but we carried on and we've seen each other regularly and discussed moving in together.

Yesterday afternoon after a very stressful weekend with my preschooler I asked him to come stay at mine ( he usually does 2 or 3 times a week). I was very upset and felt I needed my partner for a cuddle, chat and general cheering up. He refused and ignored me for several hours. I feel let down badly again and not sure I can get past it.

Is it me? If your partner said they needed you, would you be over like a shot?

NewStartNow take back control.
what was his reaction to you saying you were suspending the moving in thing?
Yeah. I am sure he realises he has been an arsehole and needs to be back on best behaviour but he has given you a taste of what the dark side is. The selfish bit and just where you rate on his list of priorities.
Be good to yourself. Don't wait for crumbs. They will never satisfy and you will end up in a cycle of waiting for Mr. Nice to appear.
AND
Whilst that dick wad is in your life, there won't be room for nice people ready to share nice experiences with you and there won't be time for you to be happy. And that counts for so uch

His reaction was OK. He said we'll probably get back to how we were before.
We do lots of things together days out, cycling, taking kids out, going out with friends.

What's your threshold for "instances"?

You have forgiven just a couple of instances.

Let's hope there is never another.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best: if there were another instance and then niceness and then another, etc, where is your personal "fuck this!" threshold? Have you decided?

He sounds like a boyfriend rather than a partner to me.

It might only be a 'couple of instances', but one of those was a miscarriage, not a dismissive reaction to your preschooler opening the freezer door amd everything defrosting (when it might be understandable that he wouldn't get how upset you felt about it).

He's back to being lovely again
Ahhh... the Jekyl & Hyde effect.
He's one of those.

Google -'The cycle of abuse' and have a look.
Also 'Jekyl and Hyde abuse'
It's a real eye opener if you don't already know about it.
But I think you know what this is.
You've seen it before in your previous relationships.
Although not as bad this time maybe. It's still not good.

Yes he is bad.
He is not good for you or your little girl.
He will not be there for you when you need him.
He's a flake!

@NewStartNow

Please take a step back and re-read everything you've posted here.

He's back to being nice again because he knows he's on thin ice (you telling him moving in together was on hold). As soon as he feels comfortable and in control again the bad side will come through again. You must know this.

Please do not inflict this man on your little girl.