It's over

[alone118]

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, with a baby we were desperately trying for - and we've split up.
DH has been different since before we found out and I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
Yesterday I realised I was too frightened to tell him the way he was treating me wasn't right as lately he gets really angry and aggressive if I do the slightest thing wrong (for example saying please stop grabbing my breasts as they're very sore-he says I should be glad he fancies me). So I ended up picking an argument over something small which I then projected all of my feelings onto, as did he. And today everything has came out (what I am mad about, what he's mad about) and he's decided he's moving out and told me he doesn't think I am ready to become a mother, which I truly disagree with.

I haven't eaten a thing today which is of course stupid as I want nothing more than a happy healthy baby.

What the hell do I do? I'm even wondering at this stage if I am in the wrong and should apologise? Genuinely really gutted and never felt so alone.

If he's become angry & aggressive, I think taking a little time out to think about whether you actually want to be with him (if he decides he wants to be with you once he calms down) is the correct thing to do.

Ignore what he said in regards to ready you are ready to become a mother. It's not until we become a parent that we know exactly what is in store for us anyway. You desperately wanted this baby, please don't let anything he says spoil this for you.

It's going to be a little tough, regardless of what you want to do but you do need to make sure you eat - little and often

Yes please try and eat something. Soup might be a good start.

I don't think you should apologise as his behaviour to you doesn't sound very nice at all.

If he was getting aggressive, you need him to leave the house anyway. Some space might bring a bit of perspective.
And if he thinks you should be grateful he fancies you (!) then do you really need that.

Have something to eat and try to relax. Wait to see what happens. You sound perfectly mature to me.

If he's angry and aggressive then I would suggest him being gone is a good thing.
He's changed. He could have had his head turned.

Ignore his crap comments.
You just get some love and support around you.
He know's naff all.
Only you know if you are truly ready to be a parent.

Ignore him.
Let him stew.
He's an asshole.
What is the housing situation?
Mortgage? Rented?

I think it’s good that you disagree with him about being ready to be a mother, it shows that you’re strong enough not to let him undermine you. This is an awful thing to happen but sadly very common. You sound pretty clued up to me and certainly not in the wrong. What about good friends and family, have you got anyone close you can trust to be able to tell them what’s going on and they can give you some support IRL? Please eat something. Even just a biscuit and a cuppa every few hours. So sorry you’re going through this.

We're just renting, we were going to buy but something was telling me not to.
I've had to leave work as I can't concentrate there. Tried to have some soup managed a few mouthfuls.

I really don't know what to do, I honestly don't feel like I deserve this (which I understand is easy to say!). But even our friends say they don't know how I cope sometimes. He's insanely jealous and doesn't like me going out anywhere without him. He's even came home early from work a few times to make sure I don't have anyone in the house, and again, I know it's easy for me to tell you all I have nothing to hide, but I promise I've never even looked at another man. I wouldn't! I didn't tell anyone about this as I was quite embarrassed to be honest but it all came out one night when we had people over, he started going crazy at me and being very aggressive and his friends had to step in. Everyone was very surprised as he seems extremely quiet and calm.

I don't believe there is anyone else but I know I could just be being naive. I'm angry at myself because things haven't been truly right for a long time but I carried on agreeing to try because I truly want to be a mum - although I really hadn't thought about doing it on my own.

By the way, thank you all for your responses. I was scared to write in here as I thought I might get an ear bashing.

Get out and stay out.
Your update is frightening.
He's very very abusive and controlling.
When you have some strength, please call Womens Aid and enrole on their Freedom Programme.
You need to spot red flags far sooner.
You need to recognise controlling and abusive behaviour.
You've ignored it all and ploughed on.
Time to leave him to it.
Time to concentrate on you!!!!

If he's jealous and possessive before you even have the baby he's likely to get worse as you'd be paying the baby more attention than him. I know it's scary to be on your own but it is so much better than to be with someone who treats you badly.

If he is moving out he is doing you a massive favour. You would have had a miserable existence with him, and things would likely get much worse when the baby arrived. Far better to wrap your head round the idea of going it alone now. It will be tough in the short term but please do not let him back into your life!