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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Change of lifestyle

1 reply

Shitonthebloodything · 20/08/2018 08:12

I could really do with some advice. Apologies if this ends up very long, I'm off loading.

DP and I love each other very much, he doesn't treat us badly at all but his attitude and lifestyle is very different to how mine was before we met and I seem to have an issue with falling into his ways and forgetting my own.
I seem to have built my life around his and forgotten myself.
When I was single I saw my friends regularly, had nights out, went to the gym, took pride in my appearance etc and loved it. Now we've moved to a better area but closer to his family (I'm not close to mine anyway), I'm an hour from my friends and in a year I've only managed to make one or two Friends here through baby groups, noone I'm close to yet.
I have 3 dc, I keep myself busy enough that I'm not lonely as such but I miss female company. I also miss time alone.

He hates his 9-5 job but has been there forever and hasn't the confidence to look elsewhere, he's hanging in hoping for redundancy. In the mean time he's miserable. He does nothing, literally nothing at home but slouch in the sofa watching TV and eat.
I want to do more, lose the enormous amount of weight I've piled on, join the gym or some clubs, get out there make some friends etc but I feel tied to this lazy, frustrating lifestyle.
We don't go out (money is a factor but I feel it could be worked around not everything costs that much), we never have sex (probably our weight and his disinterest/depression/baby in the bedroom/any other excuse he can think of)

I know this change has to come from me. I know I'll feel better and it may even give him the motivation he needs seeing me get my shit together.

Has anyone else felt like this and what changes have you made? He's out 7am until 7pm and won't get up earlier for me to go to gym etc before that. Evenings I keep baby up for him to spend some time with him so he's not in bed until 8pm, after that I'm knackered. He'll moan he never sees me if im out in the evenings.

OP posts:
justpoppngby · 20/08/2018 16:39

Can you do the gym, maybe twice a week, whilst he has evening baby bedtime? Then have dinner together when ur back from gym?

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