Discovered partner may have cheated

[Bailey9]

Hi I just discovered a message from the husband of a girl my partner used to work with warning him to stay away from her and that their secret is out. I am not sure whether I should get in touch with this man or confront my partner. The message was sent when we had been together for 5 years but I do not know when the alleged affair took place.

I feel sick but want to know a bit more before confronting my partner.

Help?

I would contact the other person first, see what they have to say about the message.

But that's just me, you do whatever feels right for you. What an awful message to discover :( xx

I would confront the person who sent the message asking for proof before confronting your partner

Do you live together? Have a mortgage together? Do you have any children together? If yes then i’d strongly advise getting your ducks in a row before you have this out with your partner.

I would contact the person that sent him the message, explain who you are and would like to know when the affair happened . I would brace yourself as if the message was sent recently it’s likely going to have been happening recently too.

What a dickhead , I’m really sorry you’re going through this OP. My ex was cheating on me whilst I went through a missed miscarriage , we were together a year , split up two months ago and he is in a relationship now with the person who is was cheating on me with . Even to this day he denies cheating even though it’s blatantly obvious from various evidence I since found. So I guess my point is , don’t expect the truth to be given to you by your partner. You are worth more then this and him Xxx

I suppose there is the chance this guy is some sort of suspicious, control freak who thinks his partner is having an affair with every guy she meets. But it doesn’t look good. I think you need to contact him somehow for further details.

I’m so very sorry. It’s a sick feeling finding something like that. I’d be devastated.

It's an odd message to keep if he was having an affair. Surely he'd have keep messages from her rather than her husband. More like pscho husband message and your partner kept it as evidence of the threat. Although why he would not have told you is a psycho jealous husband was threatening him is a bit weird.

Sort out financials/legals etc before revealing to anyone that you know.

Thank you to everyone for the advice - feel less alone now and just didn't want to mention to any friends yet.

He is not great with IT and I don't think he realised he had kept it.

I think I have to contact her husband first to see what he has to say.
We are not married, do live together but no children or mortgage together.
I do agree that financials/legal needs to be looked at so will def be doing that.
I just feel like I need to know more details even though the thought makes me feel sick...more than I already do!

Any other thoughts/suggestions welcome.

Don't marry him.
Don't get pregnant.

Sorry - just feel it's important you realise you're in a position of strength right now - don't lose it.

I agree with pp - contact the husband and ask him what's going on. So t accept everything he says as gospel (always 3 sides to every story etc)

In the not too distant future you will need to ask yourself if you trust your partner. If the answer is no, end the relationship as quickly & cleanly as possible.

Good luck.