Feel so low, should I leave DH

[itsme18]

For the past couple of months I have been feeling so low, crying all the time for no reason, feeling sad.
Bit if background; married with 3 children aged 9,7,4. Lovely husband who does so much for the children and words full time.

I feel like I can't cope anymore and I feel awful saying this but the children are making my life a misery. I feel like I want to leave my husband so we can have share the children just so I can get a break.
Not sure why I'm writing on here but honestly don't know what to do. Should I leave husband, but I don't even have a reason, everything was fine before we had children

Thank you for replying.

If you don't mind me asking, did you take medication to feel better? I'm really scared about starting medication but right now feel that is my only option

Oh OP, please, please don't be afraid of the medication. I was just like you in terms of my symptoms but was massively nervous at the thought of medication.

My GP was wonderful and said very much the same as a PP, that if I broke my arm it would be in plaster, and all anti-depressants are are a form of support for your mind, giving it the chance to heal. I took Citalopram for a year - I believe that Citalopram is the most commonly prescribed anti-d - and I can state categorically that it changed my life. It took about three weeks to begin to work but I can't describe how it felt to have that burden of sadness lifted from me.

You need to be well for your children - you are their precious mummy so you must get the help for you that you really do need.

Incidentally, you are going to see your mum
and tell her - that's great too, but my own mum had some fairly dated views about medication for depression, convinced they would make me 'weird'. Her views came from seeing friends who were on Valium
many years ago. But please be assured tgD modern anti-depressants are not remotely like that. They were a god-send for me and for so many of my friends and family who too have suffered depression.

Do keep posting for support and do tell the staff at the surgery that you need an appointment as soon as possible - please don't feel shy about that.

Oh, yes. I take medication. Thing with anti depressants is that there are lots of different ones. So if the first one doesn't make a difference you may need to try another. The ones I'm on now took about a fortnight to kick in, but they really help. I used to think about suicide and now I never do. I get a good night's sleep too

I think it’s a common thing not to want to go on medication.

The thing is, not only are there different types so you need to find what’s right for you, but also you need it to build up to the right levels in your system so finding the correct dose can take a little time too. Taking a pill isn’t an immediate dampener or going to tap you straight into your fears.

One thing I will just share in the hope it helps you is my situation with my dh. I absolutely love the bones of him. Nobody compares to him and we’ve been together 24 years now.

Last year I had a bad accident. Short version is he was a complete shit. Turned it my accident tapped into the grief he had about losing both parents before he was 40 and he thought I’d die too. What was worse is that he’d gone cold turkey on the low dose of pill he was on and that upset his equilibrium. It was only when I told him I wanted to separate (as he couldn’t see there was a problem) that he admitted he’d come off his pills. I actually laughed when he told me because it was such a relief. Within 5 weeks of being back on the low dose I had my DH back again. What’s even more frustrating is that my dad had done the same thing of coming off his meds and the stress my step-mum had was the same. DH couldn’t see the parallels!

Pills don’t make you a zombie, they get you back to bring you again and you deserve that

Thank you so much for sharing your stories, they really do give me hope.

I have an appointment this afternoon with gp and will update you all

Hope it goes well OP, here if you need a handhold before you go in

You do sound depressed for sure but ... young kids are hard work. Nobody talks about the tiring, grinding monotony of looking after them, the constant bickering and never ending demands. I know of couples who have split and, yes, they have become happier by being part time parents. No doubt will get flamed for this as it is not something people like to admit.

Good luck OP.
Medication can make soo much difference and you absolutely deserve to feel better than this!

It might help to get some councelling or CBT too, but right now I think you probably need medication to lift you enough to be able to deal with things a bit further down the line.

Have a chat with DP too and see what other things could help.
A bit more help round the house?
A cleaner maybe (It's an area I really struggle with when low).

Well done you for being brave enough to get some help

Don't be scared if the first AD does not work as well as you hoped.

There are so many ADs so if the first one doesn't fit, you can always try another one

Try this book The Happiness Trap

Your description of your life and feelings is pretty much one of the case studies in the book.

Hi, sorry to read you are feeling down.

Like other posters I am on
anti-depressants, have been on them for 19 years - was aged 33. I also had an episode being on them when I was 10/11 - this was due to my father using dv towards my dm.

I have found depression has various levels, at 33yrs old my dm had died following a 6mth battle with cancer, I had young children, a selfish dh now exh who didn’t want to discuss what I was going through along with working part time (life was pretty shit).

Anti depressants have worked for me, I pointed out to my dsis recently there is nothing to be ashamed off taking anti d’s. For most people it is the serotonin level that needs adjusting.

Goid luck with your appt 💐

How did you get on OP?

I met with gp on Monday evening and she prescribed sertraline. I still have picked prescription up yet has haven't felt up to leaving the house, think I might try go out today and pick prescription up.

Would anyone who has taken sertraline mind giving their experience on it. I am still really scared about starting it but I think I really have to.

Thank you

What dosage have you been prescribed op?

I'm on 200mg now, and feel much better. Still have bad days but more good ones now.
The side affects are hard going for the first few weeks, increased anxiety, insomnia, nausea and headaches to name a few but please stick with it

I had a course of sertraline and it's the best one for me. I've had three episodes in my life as like you, have no reason to be depressed but as PP have said, it's an illness and nothing to feel ashamed about.

First time, I had Prozac and that didn't suit me. The next time I had sertraline and it worked a treat, low dose for 9 months and I'm off them. It reset my chemicals perfectly 😊
I wouldn't hesitate to take it again if I needed to.

Thank you so much for replying.

I have been prescribed 50mg tablets for 28 days, but have to see gp in meantime in 2 weeks.

For me it's like I can't see how they can work, I'm unhappy, sad and don't know why, how can they work.

I am going to try them though, I'm going to pick prescription up this afternoon

I've had three episodes on Sertraline over the last 23 years. My depression is very idiosyncratic and pops up at weird times in my life. The last time it gently crept up on me then went full-blast for a few days which was very scary. I turned up at the GP to make an appointment and was in such a state both physically and mentally that the GP phoned me as I walked back to the car and insisted I return to surgery immediately - very clever receptionist.
No two depression stories are the same.
Sertraline has helped every time, within a few weeks. So has forgiving myself, talking to family, and giving myself time, even a 10 minute walk round the block.
Go and get the script.

Op there are options other than pills, I did cbt and it helped. I recognise triggers and have coping strategies in place. Pregnancy really hit me as these didn't work but now baby is here they are back and helping.
Hugs to you - depression is crippling and all I can say is well done for seeking help, keep trying because honestly it does help.

OP have there been other times in your life when you've been clinically depressed?

Because this is not often said but not everyone is suited to raising family. If you're a woman, this is often viewed as if you're somehow defective.

"I'm not suited to a career in politics" - yeah you go girl
"I don't think working in emergency services is for me" - yeah dude, do the right thing for you
"You know what, this parenting job is really not fulfilling me" - BURN THE WITCH