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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Heartbroken

4 replies

70Beangirl · 19/08/2018 11:09

Sorry for what will be a long post.
I'm married to the most amazing man, he's kind and generous. He's also my 3rd husband. The first I was very young and had two kids, now 23 and 26, still living at home, their dad was abusive and when he left I stupidly started seeing someone else who offered me and my kids somewhere to stay, he was also abusive and controlling. We got married as I thought that he would.be better after it, he was not. I had agreed to work foro a long spell abroad to get space from him. That's where I met and fell in love with my husband, we have a beautiful child together and I thought we were happy. He's told me that I'm always mum and there's no romance left. He's said it's difficult with my older kids living with us, to be fair I'd not expect them to still be at home, both are saving for deposits. We did have this bombshell last month on holiday and I've been trying but guess have fallen into bad habits of not putting him first.
He said last night when we are both very drunk he feels dead inside and wants a separation. I am devastated, scared and embarrassed, my world is ending.
I am absolutely desperate which is so not attractive but will do anything to keep him but fear it's too late.
I am letting him sleep and pray he'll wake up and it'll be fine but I know that's just not possible.
Help, advice, xx

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 19/08/2018 11:11
Thanks
vivalafrida · 19/08/2018 11:12

You poor thing.

Is this the first time he's mentioned separation?

Musti · 19/08/2018 11:13

Well he got into a relationship with a woman with kids and also had a child with you. You are a mum and I don't see why kids in their 20s would be affecting your relationship!

He's either looking for excuses to leave or you can look at spending time together as a couple. The older kids can babysit whilst you two to out and have fun.

70Beangirl · 19/08/2018 12:28

Vivafrida he mentioned for the first time on holiday. Came as a complete shock, I've been trying to be not so full on but habits are hard to break.
Musti you are right but being honest my older kids are at an age they need their own space and I have always put them first, never had much money so gave them all my time .
We do get out, they are very good but I need to stop over organising and learn to sit down. I am a nightmare I never sit diwn, always either doing housework, working or kids stuff. No chill time which ever one tells me is draining.

OP posts:
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