I feel like I'm settling

[missmummy2]

So I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago . We have know each other for about a year now . He live in Scotland and I live in Northern Ireland. With it being the summer holidays me and my kids are staying at his for a few weeks .were now in the last week :( he works a lot doing 24hr shifts one after the other some times . He's so quiet and reserved all the time but when he speaks he can be very inconsiderate and insensitive. He's an amazing guy but he not giving me the level of affection that I need . For instance we went out last night got drunk , come home and we had an argument and me being stubborn and really drunk walked out of the house . I stood outside for an hour and 45 mins before going back in . I could have been anywhere drunk and in a different country and he simply just didn't give a fk . He's away out tonight one one of the only free nights he has before I go home and I'm sitting here alone. He also told me that he's going camping on the night before I go home . I'm upset and not only that he never wants to have sex he said he is scared to get me pregnant even tho I'm on birth control and he never finishes inside . I call bulls*t . I can't even talk to him about it cause I'll just seem like a nag . I so feel like I'm settling but I really love him a lot and my kids are attached to him as we've been more or less in a relationship for a year . I'm just sitting about all the time completely alone . I'm going through court about being raped when I was younger and I got a call to say they got my medical records and are not calling everyone for statements as I've already done a video one . I was clearly upset and he didn't try to he he left instead and when he acts like that he says "im an introvert" "you knew I was like this " don't get me wrong he is a really good guy he's brilliant but he's emotionally numb at times and I'm not sure I can deal with it .

Why be with someone who's insensitive and inconsiderate? Yes you are settling...you know what to do.

My post also wasn't intended to just be rude, although I accept it may come across that way. I'm old, tired and busy and quite frankly can't be arsed pussy footing around. My advice is no less valuable for its brevity - your children need security and routine. You need to sort your head out and focus on being a mother before anything else.

I'm not going to sit in judgement, I suspect there is a reasonable element of truth in your various threads that indicate life has not been kind. The trouble is it won't get any kinder without affirmative action on your part, build your confidence by excelling at being a single Mum and working hard. When you know your worth you will be able to find a man who knows it too.

I think you are worse than settling, to be honest. You're latching on to trhe first bloke to show you some attention (trust me, i did this myself when i left my useless ex-H), and putting up with all sorts of nonsense while you tell yourself it must be OK because its not as bad as you had before.

You havent said anything about HOW this guy is amazing, what things he does to make you feel special and loved and protected...but you've said a lot about the crappy things he does, and how bad he makes you feel. This holiday should have been a decent indicator of how things would be, if and when you lived together, and its pretty clear that it hasnt actually been the bed of roses that you wanted it to be. He is a bit shit in bed, he doesn't take good care of you and the kids emotionally, he isnt the man you hoped he would be.

My advice would be simply, accept that you guys have had a nice time away from the daily grind, but now its time to go home and cut your losses. Stop running after this man. Focus on yourself and the kids (I know its lonely but you just have to deal with it for a bit, while they are little). Find another man when things have settled down a bit

He sounds like a real pain in the arse . Life should not be this difficult - really ! Your OP is full of contradictions. Move on . Get your life in order . He's not going to be a help .

Sounds to me like you're very co-dependent and expect him to take responsibility for your issues and happiness.
You come across as all 'me me me' and very needy.

I started seeing this guy a couple of months ago but then you say we've been more or less in a relationship for a year
Make up your mind - which is it?

it was the first I'd drank in ages hence why I ended up so drunk
No - you ended up drunk because you chose to keep drinking alcohol. You had the choice of switching to soft drinks.

I could have been anywhere drunk and in a different country and he simply just didn't give a fk*
He was drunk too, had just been in an argument with you....and he doesn't owe you anything and is not responsible for you

You say What's the difference between taking your kids on holiday and dragging them away as this is a holiday for them and also say I'm just sitting about all the time completely alone
If it was a holiday they were on then you'd be busy focusing on them.
With it being the summer holidays me and my kids are staying at his for a few weeks
This 'holiday' is about you getting to spend time with your man - your kids don't get a choice about coming along for the ride.

He's so quiet and reserved all the time...he says "im an introvert" "you knew I was like this "
So you do know AND he's told you what type of personality he is....but you ignore this and expect him to get caught up in your drama.
this is also probably why he chose to go to bed after the drunken argument instead of coming after you when you decided to stand outside for 2 hours.

he said he is scared to get me pregnant even tho I'm on birth control and he never finishes inside . I call bullst
You know full well no contraception is 100% effective and you could end up pregnant if it fails.
Again - he's TELLING you why he's being like this and yet again you're ignoring this, choosing instead to twist it into something else.

To put it bluntly - you're a mess. Your life's a mess.
You need to take responsibility for rescuing yourself and improving your self esteem - not expecting a man to do that for you.
Since your ex, what have you actively done to address these issues in the longterm?

Sounds like he's got a bit sick of you to be honest. It's not going to work out between you. Cut your loses and go home. Be with your kids. Focus on them.

Christ. Go home and concentrate on giving your kids stability.

I Dont think you wanted advice here.

This relationship isnt working. And how could it possibly work long-term? You have children with someone else and this guy lives in a Different country. You cant just up and move. Go home and concentrate on your children for the remainder of their school holiday.

Reading this I can’t seee one reason why you would stay in this relationship. None of your needs are getting met. Find a man who fancies you, gives affection, acts like he wants to be with you, and lives on the same country as you.
Then after about 6 months, introduce your kids to him.