As expected this is a long story but will try not to bore you, I need advice on where I'm up to now.
All my life DB has been DM's golden child, I think she has multiple personality disorders herself. All made worse when DF died a few years ago. I was scapegoated for all of my siblings grief and I took a lot of anger from DB as he told me on DF's deathbed that DF I had never cared about DF. He has written an apology to me but negated by the fact that he wrote it in front of DM, showed her what he had written, told her he was sending it and then sent it so now she can have no grounds against him. Ever the manipulator.
Multiple similar hurtful events from DB and equally manipulative wife over the years. I feel constantly hurt and struggle with boundaries as DM is obsessed with making them part of my life.
I am basically low contact with them, only emailing DB where financial or legal matters are concerned. I now want to stop inviting him and his family to any of my family events that I am hosting. Previously DM would invite them on my behalf (can't believe I allowed his to happen) or I would invite to be the "bigger person". Ultimately they ruin events and intentionally cause hurt. But is actively telling them they are NOT invited feeding in to his narcissistic need for attention? Am I giving them more ammunition? Anyone doing this and facing a backlash which is worse than the original hurt if having to be around toxic people? Ultimate goal is to protect myself and my children from their horrible toxic ways.