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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel alone dealing with alcoholic father

2 replies

Kookoo900 · 18/08/2018 22:48

My father has been an alcoholic all his life. Tonight I got a bit tipsy myself (unrelated) and am sitting here crying. He needs me - yet again. He is ill. I am so conflicted and guilty. I want to help but I also want to run away. I was supposed to be having a good night with my friends (hence having a few drinks) but he has no one but me. And I don’t want to help him, but he has no one else. So I have to.

I have also worried all my life that I will get his drink problem so even if I have a few drinks and enjoy myself, I am always paranoid I will turn into him. He was an abusive father. He’s not been a good dad since I was an adult and a worse one when I was a child. He’s a terrible grandfather. He loves the drink not me.

I am so sad and feel all alone - it feels like I will have to look after this man who never really looked after me. I am young and have a young family so it should not be like this for me. It’s not fair. I can’t walk away and leave him (conscience) but to help him would mean more self sacrifice.

I don’t know what to do and I have no one to help me. He says he is ill and broke and needs help. What do you do when someone has ruined their own life, and yours and then expects even more from you. Do you give it or do you totally walk away and wash your hands. Would I be able to live with myself if I did that

OP posts:
Babdoc · 18/08/2018 22:53

Why do you feel any responsibility for someone who is not only a grown adult but was a shit father to you? You owe this man nothing.
If he chooses drink over his family, and is wrecking his own life and health, then that’s up to him.
He won’t seek help or try to stop as long as you keep picking up the pieces. You are simply enabling his alcoholism. Speak to AlAnon- they will advise you on “tough love” and how to maintain your boundaries in this situation.

TravelAndAdventure · 18/08/2018 23:43

Ah I know where you are right now.

Are you on facebook? There's a secret group for adult children of alcoholics and we all support each other in this. Some of us are NC and some aren't.
If you look for the page Coaisathing then you will see Josh Connolly adding people to the group. It's a really gentle supportive place.

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