My father has been an alcoholic all his life. Tonight I got a bit tipsy myself (unrelated) and am sitting here crying. He needs me - yet again. He is ill. I am so conflicted and guilty. I want to help but I also want to run away. I was supposed to be having a good night with my friends (hence having a few drinks) but he has no one but me. And I don’t want to help him, but he has no one else. So I have to.
I have also worried all my life that I will get his drink problem so even if I have a few drinks and enjoy myself, I am always paranoid I will turn into him. He was an abusive father. He’s not been a good dad since I was an adult and a worse one when I was a child. He’s a terrible grandfather. He loves the drink not me.
I am so sad and feel all alone - it feels like I will have to look after this man who never really looked after me. I am young and have a young family so it should not be like this for me. It’s not fair. I can’t walk away and leave him (conscience) but to help him would mean more self sacrifice.
I don’t know what to do and I have no one to help me. He says he is ill and broke and needs help. What do you do when someone has ruined their own life, and yours and then expects even more from you. Do you give it or do you totally walk away and wash your hands. Would I be able to live with myself if I did that