Shame and sex/ demisexuality/asexuality

[sevenatenine3]

Good evening. Can I ask please if any of you have any experience, personal or otherwise about the title please . I ask for my male friend who is terribly confused and full of snorts about his sexuality . He has said that associates sex with shame, does not feel sexually attracted to a lady unless he is extremely close to her but can get aroused through cuddling/ kissing etc. He maintain some that he wouldn't be happy never to have sexy again. I am worried about his mental health . He hasn't met a girl that he likes and has been sexually intimate but said that he only does this as she is very sexual and would prefer to wait months . Any ideas/ thoughts to help get my head around this so I can support him would help. Thank you

What are you confused about exactly? Lots of people don't have sex with people till they are very close to them. Demisexual is just a made up word

Full of typos sorry! He has met a girl, they have been sexually intimate but he would be happy never to have sex again . He is confused about his sexuality. He told me that he self harmed as a teen when he masturbated as he felt it was so wrong .

It sounds like he's benefit from some psychosexual counselling. Relate is a good starting point if there is one close to him?

I second the advice for counseling as it sounds like he needs professional care and good guidance.

People of any sexuality can have sex associated with shame or have extreme reactions to the emotions it brings up (the self-harm) & seek to avoid it. It is quite possible that he is asexual, but neither asexuality nor demisexuality has any the worrying issues you're describing inherently. Of the asexuals and demisexuals I know, while some struggled trying to figure themselves out (a close friend of mine who identifies as demisexual has told me he used to feel broken as he only felt attracted to people he'd known for years and didn't get or understand the more common and commonly portrayed instant connection with others), I only know one who was anywhere close to what you're describing and they had serious issues they needed help with that were really entirely separate from their asexuality but they projected it onto it a lot. Being asexual doesn't mean feeling sex or masturbation is shameful or wrong, it's just not feeling sexual attraction.

I hope the best for your friend and you.

Sounds like he needs counselling/therapy if he self-harms over this. He should invest in this and come to terms with his sexuality.

If he's asexual, there's nothing wrong in that, but he needs to be honest with future partners and probably look for someone who is also asexual.