Should I not bother with divorce and just stay separated to keep XH’s pension benefits?

[Velvetrevolution]

Have been separated for 2 years and about to get divorced. Not getting any provision from ex in terms of pension as 6 year marriage, not that much difference between our pension contributions over that period, and on paper he took less than he could have to buy him out of house ( though it was all my money in house initally so I really lost out). With paying off his loans, adding to the mortgage and his pay off it cost me £100k which is now added to my mortgage. He is now arguing with me we should stay separated rather than divorce so I can keep spousal pension which is a good amount if he dies. His pension income is actually going to be double what mine will be, if I work my ass off for the next 15 years.
I haven’t met any one new but would like to. My ex was extremely controlling and I would say abusive so possibly divorce would be better psychologically. However, he is more or less an alcoholic, and is sure he won’t live much past pension age!!

Get rid

I'd want to be rid too.

Yes get rid

Just in case he can make claim on you again in the future

If he’s abusive and is suggesting something for your benefit I’d be very suspicious! There must be something in it for him?

The reason he doesn’t want to divorce is that you’d be entitled to half his pension pot now. Well, half the difference between his and yours. So he’d lose out and you’d gain. Get some proper legal advice OP.

Yes - have you had good legal advice?

Get rid ASAP. If he runs up huge debts you could be liable as well and it sounds like he has already cost you a lot of money.

Also, is it all documented that you bought his share of the house? If not, what's to stop him claiming his half of the house once he's penniless?

the longer you remain married the more right he has to claim off your assets too.

Money isn't everything.

OP I work in pensions and I know a number of people (including some work colleagues) who have done this. It's not uncommon. There' may also be the possibility of a lump sum as well if he dies before retirement. If no one else is on the horizon, I'd do it.

Get divorced. It’ll set you free.

He's also conscious of the fact that he would be entitled to your pension if you popped your clogs first.

Be independent, get divorced. In the future, you may hitch up with someone who has an even better pension, and a better life with you!

I can't believe you've already split the marital assets without even starting the divorce process. You could well have shelled out more than you needed to. Legal advice, and fast!

Money isn't everything

It’s quite a lot of you’ve got fuck all

If!!

Why is he suggesting you stay married? He’s obviously up to something.

If I were you I’d be divorcing him PDQ.

If he's in his 50's or 60's yes it is worthwhile, but (as someone who used to work in pensions litigation) many companies are moving the goalposts all the time with regard to their pensions provisions, and I really think if you are in your 40's or under just sort out your own pension provision, but a bit of legal advice and some from a financial adviser wouldn't go amiss!

If something happens and you're incapacitated and decisions need to be made, he's your next of kin.

Do you really want that?

You need proper legal advice OP.

I can't stress enough, get legal advice . A pension sharing order will take into account that you are already 100 k down on him so it may not be a 50/50 split

Surely this would mean that if you come into money he would have a claim on it. Also if one of you meets someone new it could cause issues. I would get legal advice because I imagine there's something big in it for him which he hasn't told you.

You already gone so far. If I were you, I would want a clean break. He will still have a hold on you otherwise.

Why doesn't he undertake to keep you nominated to receive his death benefits?

In Scotland you get separation agreement before divorce, so that’s why all the financial stuff is sorted already. Looks like the divorce is more or less through already, so quite happy to be free I think. I think it’s only spouses or cohabitees that can get pension benefits but never mind!