The teenage years - husband

[GremlinDolphin1]

Oh the teenage years are hard but it doesn’t feel like my dds (14 & 17) who are the problem - it’s dh and the fact that we have massively different parenting styles and tolerance levels!

DH takes everything really personally and believes that the girls should be disciplined for every “transgression”.

There are a lot of hormones on the go in this house and for example a certain amount of flouncing and door slamming especially from my eldest. She knows I don’t like door slamming and if she does it I always call to her something like “that’s another bit of wall that’s needs repairing” but dh’s response is to run after her shouting or have a go at me for not reprimanding her properly which just escalated everything.

I try and “pick my battles” and think that as long as they know we don’t condone door slamming there are bigger things to think about at this age and reacting to it is counter productive anyway.

Feeling weary. Any thoughts?

I remember slamming mine so I think of what I’ve to come down the years as I now have two DDs of my own!

No advice but my husbands cousin was so fed up of her daughters door slamming that she took her bedroom door off! After the second day she’d promised her mother she’d never slam again and it’s still in place 4 years down the line - she doesn’t slam any of the doors now.

I often feel that with my oldest ds I say things simply for effect. So that he knows I've noticed and don't approve of whatever it is. He's very polite. "Sorry mum. I apologise" but he knows I won't do anything else. Honour has been satisfied on both sides. What is your dh actually suggesting you do to punish DD? Maybe next time she slams a door, just take it off its hinges? Especially if it's her bedroom door?

I agree with you OP. Pick your battles wisely. I just thought of all the good things they did and balanced it that way. If he wants to reprimand everytime what would happen if they did something really awful.
Teachers pick battles wisely. They dont and cant reprimand everything. Some things you can ignore others you cant.

@sugarnotsweetener

No advice but my husbands cousin was so fed up of her daughters door slamming that she took her bedroom door off!

My DH was annoyed with DD(13) recently for not doing her chores, preferring to lie around in her room...so he took her door off.

He later went out - DD bribed DS to help hold the door in place while she reattached it!

DH was so impressed by her DIY skills that he couldn't be cross.

Hahaha!!! @amicrazyorwhat2 I think I would be too!
I was impressed with DHs cousin doing it, mine are only 3w old and 3y old so I have a long time to plan. I may put sponge stoppers on the doors and frames....🤔

Hmm I remember slamming a door Once as a teenager cos that what I thought teenagers did and my Mum made a big thing about how disrespectful and futile it was and basically that it was not on - and I do actually remember it as an effective telling off cos it was very much her communicating ‘I am in charge and I will not put up with your shitty behaviour towards me’. We have a very good relationship now but I didn’t get away with much as a teenager. Tbh sounds like you’re kind of past that and I know plenty of my friends who slammed doors all the time and turned out fine but I can see where your husband’s coming from.

I think you should sit down and discuss how you are going to parent your stroppy teenager together rather thsn allowing her behaviour to become an issue between you.