We just can’t afford it

[OhNotAnotherOne]

DH sister has invited us to her birthday night out.
It involves an expensive restaurant then drinks in a city, usually very expensive bars/clubs.
I was put on the spot a bit when asked and stupidly agreed, but then since looking at the restaurant online, it’s obvious it is very much out of our price range.
As a compromise I have said we can meet SIL for drinks after (as in miss the restaurant but still go to the bars etc after), to be fair this would be stretching the budget but I like SIL, she’s had a tough year and I would enjoy a night out with her. We used to go out regularly together before children and she’s great company.
DH is getting the hump because we can’t do both, we literally cannot afford it, we have dc1 birthday the same month dc2 birthday the month after, then Christmas shortly after. DH is threatening to cancel the kids clubs because “obviously we can’t afford it” We’re not in trouble financially, but we don’t have a lot spare after the essentials. So basically, Aibu?

Can he have the kids and you go for drinks?

Do you always spend a lot on birthdays and kids stuff and not put money on social things?
Can you just do presents for kids Christmas not adults.
I don’t belive in loads of crap for birthdays & Christmas for kids

Can you have a chat to your SIL and see if she can / will compromise? Perhaps she would like a second cheaper night out that you could book?

Typical sulk reaction there - because you point out a reasonable fact about not spending extra, he points out that the kids are wasting money by going to clubs.

That's no way to treat this discussion or his family. He's trying to bully/guilt you into overspending, as if the kids clubs are something you want to he compared to going out being something he wants.

Explain to him that only a massive poophead would take their kids out of clubs to prove a selfish point and that it's drinks or a night at home.

You stay home and he goes?

We’ve managed to get a babysitter, a relative so that we can both go out.
I have suggested that he goes (as it is his sister), and I’ll catch up with SIL another time.
I don’t see the harm in doing one or the other, I don’t see why we have to do both.

Notmorewashing we don’t really spend much for birthdays etc. Christmas we don’t got mad on each other present-wise. We just get each other a small token gift and we don’t go mad on the kids either, they’re still too young to be asking for the expensive things. I just feel It’s a lot of money for one night out, that we can’t really afford.

DH agrees that it’s a lot of money, but thinks we will just make do or spend on the credit card, which I’m just not prepared to do for a night out, we’ve only just cleared it. I’m not saying we can’t go, just that we can’t do both the meal and the clubs/bars after.

Some people just take having money for granted very deep pockets 🤔