Dating for a man

[anonymous1982]

Hi

I am a man - 37 year old and would like some advise on dating please.

I met a girl who is a pub manager who is of a similar age last weekend in London. I think we were both a bit drunk - I was anyway and one thing led to another and I ended up in her place and spent the night together.

We had brief exchanges of text since then but nothing significant (no more than 4 exchanges in total) as I really don't know what I should be talking to her about! I think I do like her a bit and would like to see her next weekend but need to keep exchanges going but really not sure what I should be talking to her about. I don't know if it is a long term dating I am after but I guess this become clearer as I get to know her more, if she wants to see again that is, which I don't know yet.

I was wondering if anybody has any ideas on what should I be talking to her about on text? Not really into this sort of thing as I have come off divorce last year after a long marriage so any tips in this area is greatly welcome!

Thank you.

What have you been up to? How's work etc etc then ask her out you'll never know unless you do it! She's probably waiting for you to do it! Keep us posted l!

I think you should meet up and get to know her, it’s not going to flow well on text if “you think you like her a bit” (if I was her and knew you said this there’d be no further dates btw, who only wants to be liked a bit!!) you need to meet each other in a sober situation to see if there’s chemistry. Then when you know a little about her then you have something to text and won’t be just “hey, how are you?”

That’s if she wants more, she might only like you a bit ;)

If you'd like to see her again, ask her out on a specific, definite date!

I get so tired of texters. so many men will juuuuuust texxxxxxt indefinitely. Millions of those guys out there.

ASk her out, and don't say ''you choose''. Have a plan!

Nothing in your post suggests anything other than two people who had a drink ended up in bed overnight and parting the next morning. You have used no words that describe passion or fire. Sounds like a simple ONS (they are very common) so not sure what you are expecting.

Thanks a lot. Nice to see people out there still willing to help.

As you all say I should really make a real effort in asking for a date. Recently just feeling very down, and generally lacking motivation to do anything serious or exciting. Knowing my luck I think I will put the last weekends encounter just as ONS, which I think means one night stand.

Have a good weekend all.

If you ask her out, dont be all down on yourself saying stuff like "knowing my luck"
I remember finding it v comforting and attractive when a man said to me that he was lucky and had it good really. He just had the normal stuff but he was counting himself lucky to have his health and a lovely child and job srcurity and so on. I hope im making sense.

Do you think you are ready to be dating? Some of what you have written comes across as very numb to emotion. "I think I like her a bit" etc.

I mean if this is the first time you've felt positive about meeting someone else since the breakup, then it's understandable.

I would advise to invite her on the sort of date that is a proper occasion and celebrates something the two of you discovered as a common interest during your time together. EG you both agreed Iron Maiden were the greatest metal band of all time, you invite her to a NWOBHM retrospective event. Or she told you she really likes cheese but doesn't know enough about wine - invite her to a tasting event.

You are going to have to spend at least 10 hours with her before you really know if you're suited. If early indications are that you aren't, please don't prolong the situation, just tell her it's not working for you and you wish her well.

Thanks again. I will give it a go and see how things turns out.

You could offer to take her to a film (choose something lighthearted like The Meg) and then for a relaxed dinner. The film can be your starting point for chat.