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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner of 9 months working away

2 replies

conway · 17/08/2018 20:07

.I have a great partner who I met 9 months ago. When we met I had a better job than him and was earning more money than him.
I divorced my ex husband 2 years ago and he had a great job which meant he was away a lot and was also unfaithful to me and mentally abusive. I was in a bad place in that relationship. It took me 20 years to get strong enough to divorce him. I am very happy in my new relationship but since he has been working away, I can't stop crying. We don't live together and I only used to see him at weekends anyway and once in the week. We have talked about moving in together and even marriage in the future,.
I am worried that my sadness will destroy us as I should be happy about his new job. Part of me feels jealous as he has got a super job. I will never have an amazing job as have to struggle juggling childcare around my part -time self- employed job.
Feel like, I have been here before. Any help would be useful.

OP posts:

tomatosoup1 · 17/08/2018 21:02

Don't have any advice really. I would talk to him about it though. I bet he will put your mind at ease and if he cares about you then he will care that you're upset he's not around as much . Hope it works out

aboutbloodytime123 · 17/08/2018 22:33

My DP has recently come back after working away for 7 months. It was really difficult, and there were times when i felt super resentful for different reasons - I felt like he had a lot of "downtime" and fun with his workmates while I was struggling with work and 2 DC - but the reality was it was extremely tough for him as well, he's in the forces so had all sorts of things going on that he couldn't even tell me about.

I'll be honest, it was extremely tough on us both. But the time passes quicker than you think it will, you have to make the most of your own opportunities to do things that you enjoy and also work out a pattern of communication that works for you, both with timing, if you're in different time zones (it used to infuriate me that my DP would go to bed at the same time as I was putting my DC to bed! in the end I had to ask him to stop saying good night in the middle of their bed time story!) - and also with frequency, a lot can feel like too much, you need the mental space if they're not around. Good luck x

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