Feeling disappointed

[bestofme21]

This is not really a question more of a rant.

Came home from work today and I'll be on leave all of next week. It is my birthday next week and only one person from work gave me a card and present. When it's someone's birthday I always get them a card and present. If they'll be off I always make sure I give it to them on their last day.

One of my colleagues is a close friend and when it was his birthday I made an effort: card, cake, bottle of wine. I've seen him all week and he didn't mention my birthday next week or even said have a good week when I left.

Another friend has recently had a baby and I ordered a gift for the baby from mamma and papas. I let him know the delivery window today so they wouldn't miss the courier. I know it's been delivered because of the parcel tracker but I've heard nothing off him to say it's been delivered not a thank you.

I know you don't give presents to receive presents but AIBU to expect people to be considerate when it's my birthday or a special occasion and perhaps make me happy and make me feel special?

I feel so disappointed and deflated at the moment. Then I feel angry at the world and think fuck them. I don't want to be a miserable person and want to do nice things for other people, but equally I don't want to feel like an idiot for valuing other people more than they value me.

Is it worth cutting people like this out of my life or carry on being who I am and accept not everyone is like me?!?!?!

I used to give quite a few gifts and cards but ended up feeling like you. I decided I would rather spend the time and money on myself!

I only give cards to a handful of friends now.

I think it’s auite unusual to give presents to colleagues tbh, it must get really expensive! Just a happy birthday would be enough. The colleague who didn’t thank you for the baby present is rude though.

You're lucky you haven't posted this in AIBU - you'd get anniolated!! I am gob smacked that anyone would expect work mates to get them presents- I would also hate it if a colleague gave me a present and forced me into giving one back in return. Secret Santa is the only present I would give.

Saying that - I hate shopping for presents even for friends and family so I'm not a big giver of presents- sounds Like you are - but you can't expect others to feel the same.

We take turns at work to buy a card which everyone signs - the last person to have a birthday buys a card for the next (obviously people don't have to take part if not interested). Could something like that work for you?

YABU to put this expectation onto anyone

I don't do cards at work, let alone presents, unless it's someond I'm also friends with outside work hours.

Even then I'd never actually give the present in front of other people at work.
I also dislike when a work friend gives me a card or present, it makes me feel beholden and that I need to reciprocate and you can't do that for just one person so it's got to be everyone. It snowballs. Hate it.

Your close friend at work is a bit of a jerk, but is it possible they forgot? I forget EVERYONE,'s birthday. If it wasn't for facebook reminders no one would even get their late cards. Do you meet them outside work? Was your gift giving a bit overwhelming for a work friendship? Work friendships are not like rl friendships, they are generally because of forced proximity.

The friend who's just had a new baby is probably run off his feet and exhausted! Cut them some slack.

If you like to give presents that very nice of you and continue to do so if it makes YOU happy. But considering cutting out people from work because they didn't make a fuss seems extreme.

Bloody hate secret santa too. Lol

I agree with pps, OP. For you present-giving and receiving is clearly a big deal, but for most of us, the idea of giving cards and birthday presents to colleagues is quite alien (unless there's a culture of the kind some pps mention, of a collective card), and the idea that you would think it was enough of a big deal with give it to them in advance if they were going to be on holiday, is even more alien.

I don't regularly exchange birthday cards or presents with my closest friends of 20 years plus, and while I know that my closest female friend's birthday is in October, I couldn't tell you the date -- how are you so sure your colleague knows your birthday is coming up? I only know my closest male friend's birthday because a small child was asking him about it recently in my hearing.

And as others have said, the colleague with the new baby is probably so tired he/she barely knows their own name, and texting someone the very day of the delivery of a present is waay down their agenda of importance.

I only give presents and cards to a handful of people at work; they're not colleagues, they're friends too. We socialise, discuss personal stuff and provide support and help when needed.

As a team we have a stash of cards that we all sign for other colleagues outside of our group. Sometimes I will sign a card other times a happy birthday is sufficient.

I'm just disappointed with the people I would call a friend.

The friend who's just had a new baby is probably run off his feet and exhausted! Cut them some slack.

As a parent I should be more understanding and have considered this. I guess I was just feeling sorry for myself. It was because we were texting about the delivery coming today, etc but then went quiet after that.

I have a best friend of 20 years. Seen her every week in that time. I have her a card this year and she burst out laughing. Seems it was the only time I'd remembered her birthday and given her a card. She was totally shocked. Had to be honest and admit it was only because i went to a card shop with a mutual friend who was getting her one.

If these people are supportive and loving the rest of the year, don't let this one day difference in attitude ruin that friendship.

If these people are supportive and loving the rest of the year, don't let this one day difference in attitude ruin that friendship.

I need to be this understanding!

Yes you're right, I wouldn't lose a friendship over this. I just felt a little sad because of the lack of fuss.

I would be mortified if I forgot someone's birthday.

I've done a lot of things to be mortified about, so forgetting birthdays doesn't come close! Lol

@Thingsdogetbetter lol that's a whole other thread