New boyfriend's erectile dysfunction

[everythingsshinycapn]

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 weeks. The first time we attempted sex he couldn't get an erection but I figured it was nerves. We have had sex on 3 other occasions and he had trouble ejaculating. Yesterday we spent the whole day together at his home and he had many erections but as soon as I touched him or we attempted PIV he lost it instantly. He swears he is attracted to me but then admitted the 3 previous occasions we were together he had needed to use viagra.

When he dropped me home last night I just burst into tears as soon as he left as I feel so unattractive. I haven't told him this because I don't want him to think I am making it all about me. My ex always told me that I was ugly and not exciting and that no other man would ever want to have sex with me so that keeps playing on a loop in my mind.

We are only in our 30s and he is a fit, healthy man who doesn't smoke and rarely drinks.

I don't know what to do because in every other way he is perfect but this is eating away at my already fragile self esteem.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do to make this better?

Use it to find out whether this is .... a guy who is emotionally responsible, able to talk about difficult problems, and sympathetic to his partner's needs

@EllaEllaE brilliant post, great advice and such a lovely approach, thank you

I wasted over a year in a situation like this. Would have been so much easier for both of us if I’d left right at the beginning, at the stage you are now at.

My husband had this issue when we met. Now its totally sorted. Its was all psychological and really improved as we got to know each other.

Comparing him to a woman who doesn't orgasm is disingenuous.

I suppose it would be more accurate to compare it too a woman with vaginismus or vulvodynia, although even those ain't perfect comparisons. But would people judge a man who left a woman on learning she had such a condition?

Most of the comments seem to assume that the man has a long term problem.
If you read the OP - it’s a 6 WEEKS relationship so far and only a handful of sexual encounters.
So - way too early to judge the severity.

And - also perfectly fair to compare a woman taking time to get used and be able to let go and orgasm with a new partner.
Men being nervous at the start of relationships - happens a lot. And if threaded w/o panic and criticism - many overcame that.

And if not - then all of the advice of leaving, doctors, etc - will come useful.

Thanks everyone for your posts, lots to think about.

@richdeniro we are intimate in lots of ways, we spent the entire day in bed on Thursday talking and wrapped around each other . It was lovely.

I understand the posters who say it's early and to cut my losses but when we did have intercourse it was the best I've ever had as we just connect on every level even outside the bedroom.

@Antonia87 thank you for posting that you and your husband have sorted this issue as it gives me hope.

Lots of focus in his erection and ability to ejaculate. Let's turn this around, did he take the time to stimulate you in other ways? Penetrative sex is often overrated, so if he's making it happen for you, I wouldn't worry, just play. But if he doesn't, not sure it's worth the hassle.

OP I work in a pharmacy and loads of people have viagra prescriptions. Once the pharmacist prescribes it (it’s now an over the counter drug) they have to see their doctor within 6 months.

Just last week someone made an online doctor script and rang to check we had the stock, I asked what the drug was and he said he couldn’t remember I said it would take me a few minutes to load the script online and of course it was viagra. No idea why he didn’t just say! Not there to judge.

I like the 80yo we have on it

Lots of younger men too though, it’s really not that uncommon.

I absolutely pounced on your thread title, everything , because i have a new boyfriend and he has the same problem. We've been together 5 weeks, slept together twice, and hes really struggled to keep his erection. Im 99% sure that its just anxiety about a new relationship, and the sex we have had has been utterly fantastic (he goes down on me for ages). If you like this man, and he makes sure you are happy in bed, and the relationship is good so far, why would you bin him off for something that might turn out to go away by itself?

funnylittlefloozie sounds like my ex.

Well - I seem to be quite unlucky in that I have three men like this. The first was 19 and literally couldn't get hard at all until we were about 4 months into trying. His was nerves and the fact we were usually drunk. The stbx had to inject himself in the knob, which made for awkward times if I suddenly didn't really feel like it after all...and I just started seeing someone who is only 25 (don't judge) and is on SSRIs so he doesn't really have a big libido and is scared shitless about his inexperience. I am old enough to know that it's not me and that men of all ages can have problems. If he is lovely, then he deserves a few chances. ED men No1 and 3 were/are very lovely. No2 didn't deserve the amount of time I spent being pounded (eternity) because he couldn't come