Is he passive aggressive or am I looking for reasons?

[JulosMac76]

I have a great relationship with OH and our blended family, however, we frequently end up in "confusing" arguments that come from nowhere and last for ages. Using the power of Google I am now convinced of signs of passive agressiveness. Overtly "polite" behaviour when it is clear something is wrong - when I ask what is wrong, I am met with surprise. I am often accussed of being needy. If I raise a conversation/debate, it takes a turn into a whole new argument about "the way I raised it" or my timing in raising it. When things are a little rocky he works long hours and is distant. Sarcasm is used as backhanded compliments or slights followed by "just joking". I feel like I may have woken up to what our underlying issue is and I need to work on how to deal with it. Any opinions?

It doesn’t matter if his comments are PA or not - if you’re uncomfortable in the relationship, you’re uncomfortable. (FWIW, I think he is PA)

Serious conversation without interruption to thrash out the underlying problems.
When DH and I fall out or if one is pa there is usually an underlying grudge or annoyance that needs to be aired and hopefully sorted.

Had a ex like that. I ignored him and did my own thing with a smile on my face. He eventually got bored and started saying what was wrong instead of making me ask and then fending surprise and accusing me of starting fights. Idiot.
Will say it was a great way to get him to do diy etc cos when he was being pa he'd bend over backwards to be the 'reasonable one'. Lol.

He's trying to manipulate you, manipulative him right back!

It's the without interruption that is the hard bit! I will definitely raise it appropriately though and ensure I am prepared.Whenever things are discussed and take a turn that I'm not expecting (mostly me doing/saying something highly offensive that I am oblivious to), I try to put my point across and he remains calm and righteous, I get angry and end up looking like the looney!

Thingsdogetbetter....this is the tactic I am hoping to employ!

Just to say - relationships don’t have to be like that. Nice men are out there who just are normal and nice and funny and don’t make you feel like you’re on eggshells. Don’t put up with this, he sounds like an asshole.