Could do with some advice...
My boyfriend has been getting somewhat 'flirty' messages (we feel) from a married woman in our friendship group.
It's one of those things where the messages could be written off as 'friendly' (there's nothing inherently 'inappropriate' about them) so he feels awkward about saying anything too direct to her about it in case he or I have the wrong end of the stick and it causes awkwardness in the social group. But he also said that he wouldn't be happy if I were sending messages like that to another man, or receiving them, so they do cross a line.
So far, he has tried responding in a friendly way that shuts her down and ignoring her but it doesn't seem to be having any impact. He's hoping she'll just get the hint eventually.
I completely understand that he doesn't want to tackle it directly - I wouldn't either if I'm honest. Not given the 'innocent'-ish nature of the messages. It's a bit easier if someone is blatantly hitting on you!
The fact he has a girlfriend doesn't seem to be an issue to her and I do know that she has a rather 'loose' commitment to fidelity - I know she's had a couple of ONSs since being married.
It's compounded by the fact that she ignores me and 'forgets' to invite me to things so there is definitely something going on...
She also does things like target him to go outside for a cigarette if we are out (I don't smoke) and she'll playfully put her arm round him or hold his hand on their way outside. But it's all done in such a way that if he says anything he feels it will cause a problem and if I said anything I'd just look silly and jealous. After all, she knows he has a girlfriend and she's married...
He has shown me the messages, he tells me everytime she messages him and has got to the point where he would rather avoid going out to places where she'll be than tell her to stop (although the messages have increased as a result). It's making him uncomfortable and he's worried about upsetting me but doesn't want to cause any conflict in the group by telling her to back off. Largely because it would seem to be an overreaction given the nature/content of the messages. He's just ignoring them now. But he finds that difficult too. And he doesn't really want to block her because she's the sort who'd tackle him about it in front of others and he doesn't want that either. He just wants her to lose interest and stop.
It's the intention that's more of a concern. And the complete lack of respect. And the annoyance.
Any suggestions?