Dont know what to do about ex.

[ItWasAlIADream]

Ex has mental health issues. Severe ones infact. It all started about 3 years ago, And has just got worse and worse. hes been sectioned twice. He wont see our kids which means im alone with 4 children, I have no other support. (I know its best he doesnt see them anyway as he cant be trusted.) I cut contact with him for about 8 months. He then contacted me again begging for forgiveness, wanting to try again (I said no) and that he was on mediciation and no longer thought the things he did. (Paranoid scitzophenic) He said he wanted to see our kids again. I was skeptical about this but after a couple of months I allowed him to at my house under my supervision.

Anyway he wasnt consistent and then got a job and said he couldn't see them anymore as he works now so he wouldnt be able to. I was pissed off at this so contacted CMS. He quit hes job and I cut contact again. I changed my number and moved on with my life. Then a few weeks ago, I was at home it was around 10.30pm when my door knocked. It was him. I hadnt seen or heard from him in 6 months. I didnt want to speak to him but he pleaded at the door for about half an hour. Saying he has been trying to contact me and wants to do the right thing by his children, and wants to give me some money for them.
Eventually I opened the door. It became clear pretty much straight away that hes reasons for being here werent what he claimed, He was still mentally unwell and saying the same things he had been and also some other very strange stuff. I said to him that he said he was better and noblonger thought those things but he told me he was “Just playing the game.” (so pretending to be better.)

I asked him to leave and luckily he went without difficulty. I shouldnt have but I ended up calling him when he left as I was concerned for him. We didnt speak much after that apart from him asking me to send him some pictures of the children which I did.

Then after about 5 days he text me to say “If I show up at your door again dont let me in.” Now this has really scared me and surely just dont turn up then?! I responded to him basically saying that but he didnt reply. I really dont know what to do but im on edge at home. I get scared at night that he will turn up. Moving is not an option but I dont want him in my life. What should I do?

That sounds really frightening. Do you know who his doctor is? I know they can't tell you anything but you can talk to them about your concerns.

I really wish I did but I dont know anything about that side of things. He lives about 2 hours from me.

Contact his family or the local social service or even 101 and report your concerns. He's clearly unwell and a vulnerable adult. At least if no action is taken you've flagged your concerns up and tried to help. He's not your responsibility though.

By the way, I think if he knocks on your door late at night you should call the police.

Do you know his postcode? It might be relatively easy to find out who his doctor is that way.

I think you should call the police non-emergency number and tell them what you've written here.

And perhaps before that speak to Paladin for advice and support. They are a stalking advocacy service. Paladinservice.co.uk.

Yeh I know his address. Im worried about calling the police as I dont want to be referred to Social services myself. Hes family arent interested, well what family he does have (mum and dad died when he was younger.) Hes sister has cut contact with him aswell and hes lost all hes friend due to it.

If I contact hes doctor Im not sure if that would make him more likely to come? Actually thinking about it he said his drs was behind his house so I suppose I could find it.

Wish I could just move but not in a position to.

You definitely need to contact the police, and ask to speak to someone from DV/stalking unit- because they are the ones who (hopefully) will understand this . Include the words' I feel very threatened'. Push them to give you

1. Advice on security at home

and

1. Advice on contacting police quickly in an emergency: they can issue a code number, where you dial 999, give the code, no long-winded explanations required.

You may well never need any of this.
But sort it now, before need arises.

I also think having the police on side is a priority. Just tell them what he said so they can log it and will know to come immediately if you call.

Not knowing him, he may have wanted to just scare you, but no way should you take the chance.

Why are you scared about social services knowing anything?

I dont want to be referred to them. Ive been reported in the past (different situation) but it was just stress and headache (and thankfully the case was closed) that I dont need and im pretty sure the police will refer these kind lf situations. Realistically does anyone want SS involved? I know he had a social worker at one point as he mentioned it to me. I cant believe I fell for it when he said he was better, literally no one questioned it.

I am not one to say report to 101 lightly, but I agree with PP who suggested you contact them, for 2 reasons. Firstly to identify him as being vulnerable- from what you say it appears he may be having a relapse or possibly he has stopped taking his medication , secondly if he does come back, especially at night, you need to call the police and to be a priority for a fast response. His message could be construed as threatening.
I am not sure that they would need to involve Social Services.
You could try contacting the MH services in the area he is living or GP but you don't know if you would be speaking to the correct people.

“If I ever come to your door, please do not let me in”

That was the message copy and pasted. Do you think that sounds threatening? I didnt think that it was I just thought it was odd and him trying to “blame” me for him showing up, as he doesnt really take responsibility for anything so I thought that was his way of saying it was my fault but now im wondering if it was a threat?

Oh dear, I did not intend to worry you. I thought it could imply he was worried that might not be fully in control of himself. I don't know him, but I would be un-nerved if someone sent that to me, although he sounds ill as well.
Why don't you speak to police DV unit or the stalking people- they will have a better perspective.