My father cheated on my mother

[SardineJam]

My parents are in their early 70s. Been married for 50ish years and when I based on all the I saw/heard when lived at home, I can confidently say that it's not been a happy marriage!

I have never really been that close to my father, he was never around and was always too busy going to meetings etc and family was certainly deprioritised for him.

My mother has always been a SAHM and I would say we are quite close. She also has always had an inkling that my father has never been faithful.

She told me the other day that she had caught my father sexting another woman and he owned up to it and gave the usual excuses you'd expect.

My mother has said she feels nothing about the situation and it's like they have been divorced mentally and physically for years anyway. I on the otherhand am seething (I think I'm definitely taking it worse than my mother), I don't want anything to do with my father (and the happy families facade they'll be portraying) and I just don't know what to do!

Have any of you, as an adult had to face this situation, could you ever forgive your parent and carry on as normal?

She also has always had an inkling that my father has never been faithful. She told me the other day that she had caught my father sexting another woman and he owned up to it and gave the usual excuses you'd expect.

You shouldn't know any of this. If your mum is determined to stick with the marriage then telling you, her CHILD, is extremely unfair of her.

If she was giving you the info as context about why they were separating, or asking for your help to do so, then it would be fair enough.

I'd make an excuse not to go on the holiday.

@ThriceThriceThice I guess my mum wanted someone to confide in as its a pretty tough burden to carry.

Yes - it is. But she absolutely should not be sharing it with you. You are their daughter. Furthermore the relationship sounds as if it has been terrible for many, many years, so this can hardly be a surprise.

I have recently divorced a cheating ex-DH and my nearly adult kids do not know the details. There may be a time and place to discuss it in future, but they are not and should never be my emotional crutch. I have friends for that.

Sorry to sound harsh - but this isn't right.

I came across this thread as I was googling “father cheated on mother”

My parents are in 70s too and my dad had been cheating since I was a child. My mum, a SAHM, only stayed in the marriage because she was afraid of a divorce and having no money to raise me. Recently he was hospitalized for a critical heart attack, his heart stopped and he was in a coma. That was when his mistress stepped in and refused to leave the hospital. She then took charge of talking to Drs and talking to me about my dad’s condition and the events leading to the heart attack. I didn’t turn her away because the Drs were asking questions on what happened before his heart attack and his medical history and she was the only one who knew. My mum didn’t want to go to the hospital because she feels stressed out at seeing all these unfold.

Anyway, while he was in coma, I discovered that he has a housing debt of 100k which my mum is liable to pay for. All these years he has been going on overseas trips with mistress, and starting failed business ventures while my mum had been living a frugal lifestyle (no travels, no shopping). My dad has almost no savings now (less than 3k). His medical insurance has a claim limit and will not cover his long term medical fee.

Now the Drs are giving him the option of a heart surgery to implant an LVAD to prolong his life. My dad seems keen on it. But I don’t feel that I should pay the medical cost and I don’t want to be his caregiver! I don’t know what to do, I feel obliged to do things his way since I’m his child but at the same time I don’t want to because of his affair and because of his irresponsible lifestyle and leaving us a mountain of debt. He still stays with my mum in their house.

You need your own separate thread getpancakes

You’re victim blaming Thrice.

Stoop it, it’s disgusting.

OP, it’s pretty simple.

Tell your father how angry and disappointed you are with him. Tell him you need time to process this and you’ll be back in touch with him if and when you feel able.